On my journey of creating my “heaven on earth”, perfect dream life, I continuously face slammed into the same roadblocks. The same sticky, black tar like wall of doubt, fear, belittlement and confusion. All of my undealt with non-serving beliefs were resurfacing, begging to be looked at.
“I am not perfect yet.
I am not ready yet.
I don’t know enough.
Who am I to get what I want?
I’d rather someone else be happy than me.
I need to get this right.
I don’t want to make any mistakes, so I’ll wait until the right time in the future.”
Which ends up becoming this prolonged period of “not now” and an ocean of mystery.
Hourly, rib crushing thoughts overwhelming my existence which I’d created numerous coping mechanisms to numb out and resist these thoughts that I wasn’t ready or prepared to deal with.
I did this because I was too scared to see these parts of myself. I didn’t know how to hold these wounded parts of me. They hurt too much, they carry so much weight and their words felt like a blow to the stomach every time they popped up. And boy, they popped up often.
At this point in my life, I hadn’t built up enough desire to want to overcome the fear. So hiding from it was easier and way more comfortable than actually having to do something about it.
This led me to working jobs, eating foods, following people on social media, treating myself in ways that I didn’t want to from a wounded space of not feeling good enough to respect my time and attention with the highest level of degree.
“I used to believe that everyone gets one perfect day sometime in their lives—if they were lucky. But I had it all wrong. We don’t get one perfect day. We get a lifetime of imperfect days, and it’s up to us to decide what we want to do with them. Some days are hard, and they leave us feeling like we just got our asses kicked. That’s the way I felt after Reed pushed me and wrecked my knee—broken and battered, with a life that would never be as whole as the one I had before. But broken and battered can become broken and beautiful.”~ Kami Garcia
I had created the perfect world of wound validation, disguised in a box labelled “fulfilment”.
This way of living served me and kept me safe for a while. But not long after, I noticed there was something missing.
“This can’t be it. There MUST be something better for me. There HAS to be something better. I can’t settle for this. I need to find another way.”
It was something BIG. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it felt super important to me. The desire to know what this thing was grew and grew to the point of no turning back.
It was soul-deep.
My inner fire grew from limp embers into a roaring fire. Even though I didn’t fully feel worthy, or believed anything better was possible, I was willing to pluck up the necessary courage to give something, anything better a shot.
It didn’t have to be perfect, my circumstances didn’t have to be perfect, but I had todo it.
I needed to look at all my fears, my doubts and my nasty thoughts about myself and my life. I was willing to face the worst case scenarios of what would happen, as what I was doing clearly wasn’t working. So I was willing to risk it all and try something new. A leap into unknown territory.
Stop Trying to Be Perfect and Start Living Your Life for a Change
No matter how painful.
No matter what I have to face.
The universe delivered the exact tools that would support me through this next phase of my life through books, youtube videos, social media posts.
With these tools, and the newfound desire to discover what this huge missing piece of my life was, I’d unknowingly created the perfect space within and around myself to hold the fragile parts of me.
I got to know the different parts of me, their beliefs, their defence mechanisms, their triggers, how they felt physically and emotionally and how they protected me.
I decided to eliminate many distractions for a while to dedicate more time to being alone with all of me. I pulled back my attention off the things that didn’t feel nourishing for my soul. I deepened my breathing and spent more time alone.
Every time I acted in a way I no longer wanted to, I’d correct my behaviour on the spot or I’d rehearse the scenario in my mind of how I am going to do it differently next time.
Every time an unpleasant thought or defence mechanism arose, I made more effort to let it come up fully into my awareness, to meet it with compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Then I explained how this reaction no longer served me and how I wanted this part of me to serve me in a more helpful way so I gave it alternatives of what it could do instead. Now this behaviour comes easier and more natural for me.
I made intentions throughout the day and I prayed and I prayed.
“May I have kinder thoughts about myself. May I believe that I am worthy of better things.
I am worthy of rooting for myself. Show me how things can get better than this.”
I was constantly throwing a lifeline out to whoever would listen. God? The universe? My higher self? My guardian angel? Whoever. And however. I was willing to give a chance of something better with my best effort.
With practice, patience and experimenting, these are some of the most effective tools I use to this day.
I rehearse things I want to say, before I say them, which leads people to comment how confident I am in that conversation. I practise how I imagine it would feel to feel more peace, more kindness and more safety – which I notice myself feeling more at peace, safe and forgiving than ever before.
I make a conscious effort of just 1% a day, whether it’s listening to inspirational youtube videos, saying custom affirmations, doing something creative, being out in nature, journaling, meditating, eating something healthier, being more vulnerable in a conversation or feeling an emotion as soon as it rises rather than “saving it for later”.
I celebrate my wins and give myself instant positive feedback when I do difficult or uncomfortable things that contribute towards my better feeling future. I take a conscious moment to fully recognise when I receive evidence or positive feedback of my new beliefs embedding into my life, and I thank the universe for the evidence.
I prioritise taking every opportunity I get to contribute 1% towards a better life; especially when it’s uncomfortable. And I don’t beat up on myself for not choosing the better option, if I have an off day.. I just choose a better thought, action or affirmation in the moment I remember. Gratitude is always a great default option.
Most importantly, I connect more to my wise self – which some refer to as their “inner being” or “higher self.” The fully resourced part of me, that offers unconditional love and has the perfect answer for every situation.
I learned that I don’t have to be and live a perfect life in order to actually do better, be better, and enjoy life.
I also learned to be compassionate with the nature of the human mind which is to worry, which gives me the incredible opportunity to detach from any worries and fears that still rise (yes they don’t fully disappear, I just know how to talk with them now) which makes them all feel less personal and serious, in the knowing that I am not my thoughts and I can let them enter my mind without identifying with them.
“Little by little, then all at once.”
There Is No Perfect Life
See, the power behind just wanting something a little better for yourself is enough. The willingness to try something new.
The fact you’re reading this right now is evidence that the universe is giving you the tools you need at the right time. has brought you information that will help you or give you confirmation. you have what it takes to overcome any fear or worry. You have as much driving fire within as I do.
You are stronger than you realise.
Noticeable results of doing these things were instant for me. They began small things I’d notice, yet they were each massive confirmations for me.
You too, will reap the ever-growing rewards of just giving 1% to better something in your life.
Just by giving 1% every day towards the chance of something better.
“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.”~ Lori Deschene