“Our trust is core trust because it is actually trust in the core of ourselves. Built into our human personhood is a gift from the universe. This gift is an ability, an inclination to make something good, growth-fostering, or useful out of anything that happens, no matter how painful or negative it is. This is also a way of saying that the universe is ultimately friendly, helpful to and in favor of our evolving richly in love, wisdom, and healing power. Thus, nothing is fully negative, since anything can be passed through the life-trusting core of us and be transformed. As early as the Book of Genesis, this possibility was noticed by humans and the word God was used for ‘core’ : ‘What you intended for evil, God has turned into good’ (Gen. 50:20).”~
I wasn’t wired to believe in myself and “trust the process”. I came from two hard-working parents and a very humble beginning. I was raised to follow instructions and make my parents proud. They didn’t come from a background with a deep understanding or appreciation of philosophy or metaphysics either.
They came from a long line of hustlers. They were raised during the depression and a war. It was all about survival. And as a result of that mindset, I always felt rushed into things and that feeling manifested into some really shitty decisions. I rarely saw an example of thinking things through. It was always an impulse reaction. Fear based decision making. Fear of missing out, fear of not having enough time or money and fear of not being accepted just to name a few.
Finding the Courage to Fully Trust Yourself
The one thing that I have come to accept on this journey of mine is that it’s absolutely necessary to rewire my brain to fit the habits that I now feel are in alignment with who I am today. None of the things I used to do interest me anymore so I know I am headed in the right direction.
That’s how you learn to fully trust yourself.
I still have days where I feel like I can’t go on, but, I’ve learned that it’s just the old me fading away making room for the new and improved me. I’ve come to understand that you must feel, heal and release. Otherwise, you’re just slowly building a mountain of rage that will definitely come crumbling down. I’m now integrating new thoughts, habits, and beliefs on a daily basis and while it’s very exciting it can also feel a little scary, especially when you’re reprogramming your brain to have faith in the uncertainty.
Most of us aren’t wired like that. Consequently, it does get kind of tricky at times because my ego likes to make unannounced visits and will try to have a field day with my mental state and as a result combatting fear can be a challenge from time to time. I’m learning every day how to balance it all while being patient and loving and kind toward myself. I’m a work in progress and all I’ve got is time.
It takes courage and discipline to stay on course.
It takes bravery to choose the path less traveled and I’m proud of the strides that I’ve made over these last several years.
I use that as motivation and inspiration to keep going. I’m human and I know that there will always be days where I feel tired, but on those days I’ve learned to rest not give up. I remind myself that I’m just having a moment, and I allow whatever wants to come forward; only this time I detach from it and become the spectator of my thoughts instead of thinking that it’s a life sentence. I’ve learned that it’s ok to walk away from friendships and relationships including familial ones if I feel like I am no longer growing from them.
Finding the Courage to Fully Trust Life
I no longer fight for a place in anyone’s life. I just accept that their time in my life is up and I make no apologies for moving on. I’ve actually come to accept all of this shuffling for what it really is. A moment in time. A rearranging of scenery. A marker letting me know where I am, how far I’ve come and reminding me that it’s time to make room for healthier, more loving and life-giving relationships.
I know that by removing all of these unhealthy components from my life, it makes room for all of the new and exciting changes that are ready to take place. A good clearing out is vital every so often to remove what isn’t working and integrate what is meant to…(thank you Marie Kondo) It’s taught me that before any radical shift, chaos must be present.
Learning to think and act for myself has been such a rewarding, life-expanding experience. My creativity has been so fluid lately and that is the most beautiful proof. I’m learning how to access my vulnerability and turn my years of pain, doubt, fear and regret into my most beautiful message. From this place I am fearless!! I’m learning how to lean into myself more every day and be grateful for what I find, regardless if it’s beautiful or messy.
There’s so much newness entering my life right now and I’m learning how to navigate through it and not let it intimidate me anymore. I face the day with a grateful expectancy. As soon as I made the verbal declaration to only entertain thoughts and feelings that bring me joy, the universe sent me a sign confirming that I was on the right track.
Something bigger than I’ve ever seen and felt is on the way to me, I just know it. I feel it in my bones. And because of that mindset shift, I am met with happy agreeable people and circumstances on a daily basis. I have faith that all of my prayers have been heard and are currently in a spiritual fulfillment center and are now currently being delivered into my life. I’ve learned that the universe can converge your destiny wherever you are and that’s awesome!
That’s a blessing in and of itself!
I know every morning when I wake up and get out of bed magic awaits me!