To take things personally is to continue to perceive yourself as a victim and the world as your abuser. But you, my friend, are not a victim, and the world is not your abuser.
How to No Longer Take Things Personally
1. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
“But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
You have to understand that most people are very unconscious of their own unconsciousness – projecting their own darkness, pain, and internal struggles onto others and thinking that ‘other people’ are always the source of their distress. But their words don’t describe you or the people they are “attacking”, rather they reveal the pain, the suffering, the darkness and the many wounds that are present within themselves.
How could you take things personally?
You are not the problem – what’s on the Outside is not the problem, but rather what’s on the Inside – what’s inside their own hearts is what really troubles them…
2. Don’t give it too much attention.
“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” ~ Steve Maraboli
Since thoughts have power – creative power, it’s very important not to dwell on the negativity other people try to direct your way for these toxic things have the power to poison your heart, mind, body, and your whole life. And you don’t want that.
3. Don’t take things personally. Just be yourself.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Bernard Baruch
People say and do a lot of crazy things, and most of them have nothing to do with you. So why take things personally?
Never make other people’s opinions of you more important than your own opinion of yourself.
Stay true to who life created you to be, and remind yourself as often as possible that your job here on Earth is to walk your path and live in alignment with your purpose. And if certain people have a problem with that, that’s their problem, not yours!
In The Tao Te Ching, this incredible book that was written more than 2500 years ago (many people consider the Tao Te Ching the wisest book ever written), there is a great line that goes like this:
“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu
The truth of the matter is that once you care what other people think of you – chasing their validation and approval and going out of your way to be seen and loved by them, you immediately become their prisoner.
Don’t allow anyone to put you in that position!
Remind yourself constantly that what people think of you is none of your business, and that their words, actions, and behaviors have little or nothing to do with you, but a lot to do with who they themselves are.
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
5. It’s not worth your time and energy.
It’s incredible how much time and energy we are willing to waste trying to understand why certain people don’t like us. Instead of focusing our precious time and energy on to those people who love and cherish us, and instead of feeding our hearts and souls with the love and kindness we truly deserve, we choose to dwell on the negativity of those who don’t like us, failing to realize that by doing so, not only are we wasting our precious time and energy, but we are also poisoning our lives and the lives of those we love.
It’s just not worth it…
6. People give what they have in their hearts to give.
I really believe that we are all born with this innate need to give, to offer to those around us that which we have in our hearts to offer – the people who are at peace and whose hearts are filled with love, kindness, and compassion, give love to everyone they come in contact with; they give joy, laughter, peace, and happiness. While those people who are in distress, whose hearts are wounded because of the many challenges, trials and painful experiences they have gone through – they give fear, pain and a lot of negativity.
That’s what they have to offer at the moment…
People give that which they have in their hearts to give – nothing less and nothing more. With that being said,
“Can anyone be justified in responding with anger to a brother’s plea for help? No response can be appropriate except the willingness to give it to him, for this and only this is what he is asking for.” ~ ACIM
7. Never confuse the behavior with the person.
We all know that children are born pure and innocent and that ALL they have to offer is their unfailing love. But as they grow older, and as they start experiencing life through the filters of the many beliefs and limitations they adopt from those around them, their innocence starts to fade.
In the beginning, we all looked at life with eyes of love – welcoming everything and everyone in our pure and loving hearts. But as we grew older, we learned that it was unsafe to live this way…
We learned that it was unsafe to trust and offer our love to everyone. Thus, we began to hide. And the love we once held in our pure and innocent hearts was slowly but surely replaced by fear – fear of being hurt, fear of being abandoned, fear of being rejected, fear of being left out, fear of being seen, and so on. And unfortunatelly, this fear is now governing the hearts of so many people who walk this Earth.
We are all afraid of something…
And when you are afraid, you act in ways that are harmful, not only to yourself but everyone around you. And it’s important to remind yourself constantly that the behavior does not define the person. And that underneath it all, we are all pure being who are starving for love.
Don’t take things personally.
8. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
No matter what anyone might say or do to you, and no matter how tempted you might be to go down at their level and swim in the same darkness that their’s swimming, do your best not to!
Don’t let other’s people’s darkness become your own. Don’t let their hate, fear, and insecurity contaminate your heart and damage your whole life. Hold your ground, stay calm, and keep your heart free from evil.
9. Let love forgive.
“Fear condemns and love forgives. Forgiveness thus undoes what fear has produced.” ~ ACIM
To condemn is easy – anyone can do that, but to forgive is a real challenge, a challenge only the strongest of people are willing to take.
Let love forgive.
Untie the knots of resentment. Let love liberate you from the chains of fear, anger, and darkness. And open yourself to the infinite reservoir of love present in your heart and share that love with those who are too poor to give anything other than pain.
10. Set peace of mind as your highest goal.
“Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight.” ~ Mark Victor Hansen
Whenever you are faced with a difficult person or an uncomfortable situation, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself:
How can I communicate with this person in a way that will make me better, not bitter?
How can I handle this situation in a way that will not disturb my inner peace?
Set peace of mind as your highest goal in life and let nothing and no one interfere with this precious goal.
And these are the 10 things you can do to no longer take things personally. I hope you will commit to each of them and I hope you will allow them to teach you how two live in peace and harmony – with yourself and everyone around you.
~love, Luminita 💫
Why do you think it’s so challenging for people not to take things personally? You can share your insights in the comment section below 🙂