Are you addicted to being offended by everything that happens to you, with you and all around you? Are you addicted to getting upset every time somebody says something mean to you? Are you addicted to complaining and criticizing the world around you? Do you see yourself as being a victim of all those horrible people who won’t allow you to live a peaceful life?
Do you want the whole world to change in order for you to be happy?
Do you want everybody to change in order for you to feel good about yourself?
Do you want the whole world to think, act and dress just as you do?
Do you really think the things, people, events, and situations will change just because you want them to?
Do you really believe this to be a healthy way of thinking?
We all know people like this, people who are constantly waiting for the world to change, to better suit their needs and expectations. I personally see people like this every single day, and I have to tell you that it can be really painful to watch. These people, if they don’t wake up, they will waste all of their lives waiting for something that will never come, because if you want the world to change, you have to start with yourself first.
The world is not the problem, you are.
The problem is in you and not in the environment, and you have to understand that all of those frustrations and all of that anger is nothing more than a projection of who you really are on the inside. It’s nothing more than a projection of your inner self, and you and I know that where there is anger there is also pain underneath.
You are using what others have to say, you are using their actions and behaviors as an excuse to project all of that inner pain and suffering outward, in one form or another, whether it is frustration, anger, sadness, criticism, and so on.
It’s funny how the world “changes” based on how we feel from one day to another, and we see it today as being more beautiful or more horrible than yesterday, or the day before yesterday and so on. Things don’t change, we do, and when that happens, we act as if the world has changed, not realizing that the world looks exactly the same and that we are the only ones who have changed.
I really believe that one of the most challenging things we can do is to work with people, and not only work with them but to also love them, to appreciate and treat them with respect. To cultivate healthy human relations can be a difficult task for many of us, and unfortunately, most of us quit whenever we are faced with “difficult” people. If a person looks, acts and thinks different than we do, we try to stay away from him/her as much as possible, and of course, a lot of us start criticizing them. Yes, we like to point our finger and judge others in order to feel better about ourselves. There are people who are addicted to this kind of behavior, people who need these “crazy, weird” people in order to boost their self-esteem and feel superior.
It’s really interesting how most of us would rather condemn and criticize, would rather complain about what others are saying or doing than try to get to know these people better. What are we afraid of? Diversity?
It’s a lot easier to judge than to try to understand why people act in a different way than we do, right? This is one of the many things I am working on because I really want to improve the relationship I have with and will have with all the people I interact with on daily bases.
I guess we are too busy trying to make everybody think the same way we do, act the same way we do; we are too busy trying to make them understand us, and we lose sight of what’s really important. If you do this, and I do this, and he/she, they/them do the exact same thing, what does that mean? It means that nobody is really interested in what others are thinking; it means that nobody is really interested in understanding others because they are too busy in trying to make themselves be understood. This is what a mad world looks like to me. Everybody want something but nobody is really willing to give that “something” to others, not knowing that what you give is what get in return.
If you want others to be interested in what you have to say or do, you have to first get interested in them. This is the key to healthy, strong and harmonious human relationship. If you get interested in people, people will get interested in you. It’s a lot easier this way than getting offended every time somebody would not be interested in what you have to say, or because they are behaving in a different way than you do, don’t you think?
You simply can’t control what others think, say or do, but you can definitely change you attitude towards them, towards their actions and behaviors, and if you don’t, you will become one of those bitter, resentful and hateful people who are constantly complaining about those around them, bitching and condemning the universe for their bad luck, waiting for that day when a miracle will happen and everybody will start acting according to their beliefs and expectations. And guess what?
That day will never come.
at 5:39 pm
very helpful, this is the place to start for anyone who needs guidance and help on such matters.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” Lao Tzu
Can you believe that these words are 2500- 2600 years old?
Thank you for this. Thank you.
We have all suffered, some more than others. I had a very difficult childhood, and to a large extent continues to this day ( I am 29) my father has many problems, psychological problems, and taking care of him has been hard. But I hope to begin letting go of those ancient and harsh pains.
I find that the seclusion of being a complainer results in lower confidence and self esteem, this has happened to me. But then I developed a wonderful persona to cope with my negative side, my neg side was still there and active, but i managed to create a side to me that allowed me to engage and entertain others.
But recently so many life problems came my way, death, loss, life stagnation, illness and severe stress from working a fulltime job, studying nearly part/time, dealing with a broken relationship. I have found myself very low, i realised i need help.
I had to go to the edge, psychologically (whilst still maintaining sanity, if you understant).
I have just came back from a holiday to Berlin, this was the beginning of a new look on life, I had always been scared of urban centres, since I was attacked twice late at night, several years ago. But after being pursuaded by those friends I have managed to keep, I had an inspiring and eye opening experience.
Although my current problems are still painful, I am now
about to let go of the inner pain and I expect my problems will slowly diminish, and my confidence and positivity will grow as time passes.
it feels good to write these things.
at 1:27 pm
It’s not always easy and I understand completely how you feel and I know that if you can’t and if you are not ready to let go you won’t but in time you will realize that you do deserve the best of things and you will realize that by letting go you will do yourself a great favor and not to them 🙂 If you will be around for a while, in the future to come I will share some of my stories and I am sure you will feel inspired and empowered by them 🙂 Infinite Love and Peace!
at 2:06 pm
You know, I am one of these people. And I’m a bit hurt to read this and i’m interested in changing. But I think that your article is a bit altruistic. You can’t let go of all things. Some things need to be actively taken into consideration and protected against.
I was psychologicaly abused as a youth and there is a lot of anger there. I tried to be zen about it. I was told to understand people. There are people in the world with the intent to aggress upon you by the very nature of their own pain or motives to control.
Diversity isn’t bad. But people hurting you with their words and their actions is very bad. People are constantly looking to shift their guilt and pain onto….and by trying to understand them isn’t always healthy, nor does it breed positive environments in a timely fashion. And timely meaning, before it causes you irreparable emotional damage to those you love. My mother wanting to understand my father came at the price of my innocence.
So in turn, i’m a vehemently critical of the people in my sons life. And that “negative” energy serves as a barrier to allow my son to exist happily. And i’m proud of it.
Due to my upbringing, as a child I constantly returned to my father for a deeper understand of him and he continued to batter me. We are obligated to move ourselves away from these people. And the luxury of being left alone isn’t often won without setting boundaries. And those boundaries are enforced by some type of aggression.
The down side is that the aggression living in an environment like that poisons the spirit.
I wish I didn’t have to be like this. But it truly does seem like if I let my guard down it’s going to cost my son. And i’m so fearful of that. I wouldn’t want what happened to me to ever happen to him.
I’m a very unhappy man. But i’m a loving man. And while I know this and aggression isn’t always warranted, the stakes seem so high.
Anyways, from a thoughtful man to a wise woman, i’d like your opinion and advice.
BTW, my I love your blog.
at 9:53 pm
. “By letting it go it all gets done!” Lao Tuz
I have had a few days reflection- and have come up with this: Let me know if I am on the right tracks.
If I’ve done my bit and if nothing changes and the situation/person/circumstance remains the same…It won’t change no matter how hard I try/Want it to change! I can’t control anyone! If I’ve done my bit, I just have to let go and let nature takes its course! I can’t control no one- But I can control me and my reaction to the situation.
at 7:57 pm
Kelsey, if they don’t want to share their lives with you, even though it might be really painful, you have to respect their decisions and you have to let go of your need to control whether they talk to you or not. Just let go, surrender and stop trying so much. The more you fight against it and the more you resist it, the more it you will persist and your pain will get deeper and deeper, and I don’t think you want that. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” Lao Tzu
Can you believe that these words are 2500- 2600 years old? You gotta learn to let go Kelsey, and the moment you do, you might discover that the same people you were trying so much to have them in your life, are now coming to you, without you doing anything. All you got to do is let go of the resistance and surrender… It can be done.
Infinite Love and Peace Kelsey!
at 7:22 pm
Very thought provoking article!! I have to admit I am one of these people! 🙁 But I am changing and reading this has been a great place to start! 🙂 I have a query though, may be you could help me out.
1. Getting interested in people- I have friends who if I have try and contact them via texts or email do not reply to me! :-(…How do you get interested in people if they won’t share any of their life with you? (I suppose it also comes down to me critiscing and controlling them!- Because I am known for replying immediately to texts etc and get annoyed if others don’t do the same-and so I usually text them a few times before giving up!) It annoys me though- as it doesn’t take long to reply to a message does it?! :/….Any help would be great- thanks.