“Knowing what love is not is a great way to discover what love is truly all about.” ~ Luminita D. Saviuc

What Love is Not

When you come face to face with love, everything that is not love immediately melts away. This is a natural and spontaneous process that happens all on its own. And when it does, you can’t help but be in awe at the beauty and splendor of love.

Knowing what love is not is a great way to discover what love is truly all about. And today I want to share with you a list of things that are meant to help you realize what is by taking a good look at what love is not.

26 Things Love is Not

1. Love is not controlling.

It allows those it loves to be as they are – without trying to control, ‘fix’, ‘correct’ or change them. In the words of Deepak Chopra,

“Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires. Love imposes no demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand – “Make me feel whole.” Love expands beyond the limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.” ~ Deepak Chopra

2. Love is not abusive.

Nor is it abused. It treats everyone with dignity and respect – loving all and harming none. And it is always treated with dignity and respect.

3. Love is not impatient.

Love is patient and foreseeing. “It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.” ~ Rumi

4. Love is not binding.

It is freeing. It liberates the ones it loves into life, into freedom, into goodness and into love. 

“Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go. ~ Maya Angelou

5. Love is not selective.

It is not exclusive. Just like the sun shines on all – on the good and the bad people alike, giving life to the righteous and the unrighteous alike – so too, love welcomes everyone and excludes no one, welcoming all and embracing all.

6. Love is not demanding.

It does not burden anyone with endless needs and wants. Nor does it ask for anything from anyone. It only gives and gives without asking for anything in return.

7. Love is not intrusive.

Love is like a moving sea between shores. It is not overbearing nor is it invading. It does not invade the space of the beloved, but rather creates more space for the beloved. 

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” ~ Khalil Gibran

8. Love is not judgmental.

It does not condemn, It does not belittle. And it does not judge. Love is only interested in loving. 

9. Love is not flattery.

It is always honest, truthful and trustworthy. 

10. Love is not lacking.

Love is abundant, overflowing and sufficient unto itself. The more it gives, the more it has to give.

“Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love… Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

11. Love is not aggressive.

It is not pushy. And it is not violent. Love is “courteous as a guest. Fluid as melting ice. Shapable as a block of wood. Receptive as a valley. And clear as a glass of water. ~ Lao Tzu

12. Love is not transactional.

It gives and gives because that is love’s nature. And not because it expects something in return. 

“Even After All this time The Sun never says to the Earth, “You owe me.” Look What happens With a love like that, It lights the whole sky.” ~ Hafiz

13. Love is not unkind.

Love is kind. Love is tender. Love is noble. Love is gracious and polite. It does no harm. It speaks no evil. And it talks down on no one. 

14. Love is not vengeful.

It keeps no scores. It holds no grudges. And it does not condemn anyone for anything. 

15. Love is not fearful.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. For perfect love drives out fear. And those who fear have not been made perfect in love.

16. Love is not a fool.

Love is the creative genius behind it all. And only a fool thinks of love as being a fool.

17. Love is not a sentimental feeling.

Love is a state of being.

“It does not fluctuate nor does it depend on external factors. Love is a state of being. It is a forgiving, nurturing, and a supportive way of relating to the world. 

It is not intellectual and does not come from the human mind. 

Love radiates from the heart Chakra. It has the capacity to give life others and accomplishes great feats because of its purity of motive.” ~ Dr. David Hawkins

18. Love does not take advantage.

Of anyone and of anything. For love is not hypocritical. Love is always authentic, honest, life-giving and sincere. It treats all with dignity and respect.

19. Love is not blind.

It sees all and knows all.

20. Love is not a weakness.

Love is the greatest force in the universe. It gives life to all life. Love keeps the world and the whole universe in divine and perfect order. It is love that gives life to life. 

“Love is the greatest force in the universe. It is the heartbeat of the moral cosmos. He who loves is a participant in the being of God.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr. 

21. Love is not lust.

It is not a burning desire. It is not passion. And it is not an endless list of erotic wants. Love is far greater and much more noble than that.

22. Love is not for sale.

It cannot be bought. It cannot be sold… You cannot buy love. Nor can you sell love. But you can Be-come love. 

23. Love is not selfish.

Love is selfless. It gives to all without thinking of itself.

24. Love is not manipulative.

It does not do things ‘for the sake’ of others. It does not lead anyone astray. Nor does it ever take anyone away from their sacred center and right path in life.

25. Love is not pushed around.

By anything or anyone. Nor does it allow itself to be walked all over. It says ‘no’ with great courage and dignity and ‘yes’ with love, humility, confidence and self-respect.

26. Love is not a mental concept.

It is not a scientific formula. Nor is it a bunch of fancy words. Love simply is a way of being and moving into the world.

BONUS:

And for those of you who are longing to know love and become one with love, here are some of the most powerful words that reveal to us what love is truly all about.

On Love by Kahlil Gibran

“Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
He threshes you to make your naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.”

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.

But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 4:13

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-disgust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for your self, all I plead with you is this: make love of your self perfect. Deny your self nothing–give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”~ Rumi

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth—that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. —Viktor E. Frankl

“Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go. ~ Maya Angelou

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”~ C.S. Lewis

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections.

If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”~John Lennon

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.”~ Rumi

** What about you? What else would you add to this list? Share below 🙂

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita is the Founder and Editor in Chief of PurposeFairy.com and also the author of 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy: An Inspiring Guide to Discovering Effortless Joy. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

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