“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.” Wayne Dyer
We often liken feeling lonely to connection with other people. According to Merriam Webster, loneliness is “being without company and being sad about being isolated.” This perspective places our experience of sadness out of our own hands because it is about others.
In the past few years, especially since the pandemic began, across the globe people have encountered more social isolation and therefore more loneliness. I hear people openly and honestly speak about how lonely they are, and I relate as I also experienced deep disconnection in isolation and desired more than anything to sit with a loving friend at a coffee shop and share my woes.
Truth be told, my feeling lonely began in my childhood and over the years I have come to see that it was never about connection with others, it was about understanding myself , loving myself and changing my perspectives.
Connection with yourself simply means having the awareness to understand what it is you are feeling and desiring. This takes slowing down to recognize your thoughts, beliefs, and actions around essentially everything in your life including relationships to others.
When you have awareness of yourself, you know what you feel and what you want and can take action that supports your desires. You cannot communicate your needs, fears, or ideas to another unless you get clear on them first.
I have realized that loneliness is not about whether or not you are physically or even emotionally connected to another person, it is about the connection you have to yourself and your ability to choose beliefs that support you.
This may be challenging to receive as it would be much easier to call a friend and talk on the phone for an hour than discover that there are parts of yourself that you are ignoring, misunderstanding, and thus choosing a path of loneliness.
Here are 3 limiting beliefs that are keeping you from creating truly meaningful connection and feeling more lonely than ever.
3 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You from Creating Meaningful Connections and Feeling More Lonely than Ever
1. You believe that you are alone in your experience.
Sometimes in our emotions, we forget how connected we are to others. We are unique and have unique experiences and views of life, however, we are part of a human collective. The belief that it is only you feeling shame, confusion, isolation keeps you stuck, while remembering that all of humanity struggles with challenging emotions and experiences frees you from the burden of feeling alone.
Remembering this truth helps you to see your situation in a new light.
2. You think you can’t share your feelings.
Being able to communicate what is heavy on our hearts requires the courage to open up and share what may be messy. We have all experienced the vulnerability at some point in our lives that left us feeling like we can’t share.
Whether it was the reaction of the person we shared with (that means it wasn’t a safe space for you) or the embarrassment of showing emotion and assuming we are weak because of it – these experiences may stop you from opening up again unless you have the awareness to change this belief.
With your awareness and a person that you can trust to hold space, you are able to share what’s heavy on your heart and release the all alone story.
3. You are focused on connection with others versus yourself.
Spending time with other people whether for deep conversation or light social fun is only one part of the loneliness you may be experiencing. The other part is disconnection from yourself. This part of you is intuitive and it has been calling you, but you’ve ignored or misunderstood its call because it isn’t black and white.
There is no clear ending or beginning, no structure. It is flowy and not task oriented, it is open without an ending point, and it heals you without making sense and without you needing to explain it in words to another.
Creative expression and play are ways we connect with the deepest part of ourselves. This may look like writing, painting, coloring or dancing. That takes time’, space, trust and opening to accomplish. It doesn’t require anyone else, nor does it need someone else’s approval or general judgment.
I hope you find this supportive of your experience of feeling lonely and please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with me. Reach out to me via the bio below.