“Some people have no problem being single. They love independence and solitude, and even if they crave love, they are willing to wait for that special someone who will bring them love, yet let them keep their independence. The best partner is someone who can meet our needs without changing us.”~ Unknown
Is It Possible to Enjoy Being Single?
Feeling unhappy about being unable to find love?
Thinking that the only good life to have is to spend it with a partner?
I certainly feel you there. As a 31 year old guy who has never had a successful date before, I must say I feel kind of envious of my friends who are going to be married at times.
How do you overcome feelings of inferiority when being single and others are mostly coupled up?
I searched the Internet for answers but it seemed from my research that being single is mostly a problem for older women. Is it even possible to be content and fulfilled being by yourself?
I would like to think so. I cover 3 points on how to be happy being single below.
3 Tips on How Experience Happiness and Enjoy Being Single
1. It Is Your Job To Make Yourself Happy
An older friend of mine (he is married by the way) once told me, “It is your responsibility to make yourself happy; nobody can do this for you.”
Imagine your feelings and mood as a remote control. You can either choose to give it to another person and allow him/her to control your mood; or you can take the remote control back into your very hands and choose what and when to feel happy.
As former US president Abraham Lincoln once said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
When we “outsource” our happiness to a man or woman, we are liable to get disappointed. Simply because he or she doesn’t know you well enough to cater to your needs; also, he or she may not be good or nice enough to care about you. Or worse, he or she “cares” about you because they may have an ulterior motive.
Since we know ourselves the best, ought we not learn to take care of our happiness for ourselves instead of “delegating” the work to another person who may not care for you in your best interest?
2. Freedom from Expectations
Another thing good about being single is that you are free to pursue anything you like or interested in, free from other people’s expectation and concerns. You are free to concentrate on your hobbies and interests without the interference of a partner.
Now, I am not suggesting to do anything illegal, but rather am stating that, while being single, you are a free man or woman. You need not worry about the opinions or even the nagging or scolding from your wife or husband who seem to have very different views on your life. Don’t take this freedom for granted. Things get very complicated when you have a spouse and when you have kids.
There will be so many competing interests to take care of – you may even need to sacrifice your interests for the family! This may cause unhappiness for you, which is ironic, because we think getting married and starting a family will make us happy.
So, you see? Being single isn’t that bad once you know what to focus on.
3. Being Single Means Lesser Financial Pressures
Amercian Pastor Rick Warren once said, “The grass is always greener on the other side. So is the water bill.”
When you start a family, household expenses will rise. You may stress about money being not enough. Financial problems are a top second factor in divorce in the US.
A woman may rely on a man for her sustenance but a man can lose his job due to factors not within his control. It could be an unfair boss or mean colleague. It is up to us (regardless of being a man or woman) to take care of our financial independence to the best of our ability and try not to rely on our partner to do so.
This is because if you actually do, you are subject to your spouse’s terms and conditions and expectations. I am not saying that all spouses are bad. Ideally, a husband would be kind, caring and understanding enough to take care of a woman. But reality isn’t always kind, if so, why would the divorce rate in the US be around 50%?
I am just pointing out the power dynamics of a relationship. American businessman Robert Kiyosaki once said, “He who owns the gold, makes the rules.”
I pray that should a woman rely on a man for her living, she would be able to meet her spouse’s expectations for her allowance. If not, the relationship would be a strained and unhappy one, which defeats the idea of a happy marriage and if not managed properly, will ultimately lead to a divorce.
As you can see, it is not totally rosy to be in a relationship. I am not downplaying the advantages of being in a positive and supportive relationship, but rather, showing you that not all marriages are happy ones. If they are, there wouldn’t be divorces in the US. It is possible to be happy being by yourself.
Being single is about learning to value yourself, and your worth.
Spend some time on your hobbies and interests. Go out for a movie or dinner date by yourself. Connect with like-minded friends. Be thankful for what you have. You are precious. Your marital status doesn’t define you. Always remember that.
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Kenny How
Kenny is a mental wellness advocate who is the founder of calmingmindfulness.com. As a sufferer of mental health conditions, he hopes to bring positivity and hope through his meditation website to a society full of pessimism and negativity due to uncertain times. He enjoys swimming and playing FPS video games on days when he is free.
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