I went through a period in my life where I felt completely numb. A time when it honestly felt as though my heart of flesh had been replaced by one of stone…
I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone… All I wanted was for the world to leave me alone….
So I pushed everyone away from me.
My Journey Through Pain
Having my trust broken by those I loved the most, I no longer wanted to have anything to do with them. Or with humanity in general.
To me, people were no longer beings to be loved and trusted. But rather toxic creatures meant to be avoided at all costs.
Stay away and you’ll be okay. That seemed to be my new mantra.
So I went my way, like a lone wolf, trying to live life without loving and being loved.
And I did that for years and years. Pushing, resisting, and trying hard to convince myself that I don’t need anyone. That I can be happy on my own…
But how could one who was made of LOVE and made to LOVE live without LOVE?
It is impossible!
Yet, I didn’t want to accept that… And as prideful and stubborn as I was, I had to be humbled into accepting the truth, through a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering. And eventually, I had to make peace with this idea that in a world full of people, I can’t continue to live as though I am all alone…
I can’t continue to live like this!
So what if people betrayed me? So what if they manipulated, abused, and controlled me?
Do I have to punish myself for their evil deeds, ignorance, and lack of humanity?
I can’t do this to myself any longer. I can’t continue to hurt myself just because others have hurt me.
And I stopped…
My Journey Through Pain and the Powerful Lessons It Taught Me
You see, even in my darkest moments, deep down inside I knew love was always the answer. But since the pain felt like too much for me to handle, I took ‘the easier way out.’ And I chose to walk on a path of rage, self-victimization, hatred, and so much anger and resentment.
Eventually, after much pain and inner turmoil, no longer being able to deal with all that madness, I had to face myself. And I had to accept that it was time for me to do what I always knew in my heart to be right, kind, loving, and true…
You see, what people do to us – their evil deeds and toxic behaviors, have little or nothing to do with us. And everything to do with who they are and how poorly they think of themselves.
You know the saying: hurt people hurt people.
But the moment we allow their toxicity to make a place within our minds, bodies and hearts – by dwelling on ‘what they did to us’, that becomes the moment their madnesses becomes our own. And their pain becomes our pain.
I know. It’s hard!
Being human feels like a joke at times. I get that… But you know why it feels that way? Because we fail to stand in our Truth.
We fail to be strong in the face of all that evil, pain, and darkness. And instead of loving and forgiving, even when what others have done to us seems unforgivable. We go down to their level by hating, resenting, blaming. And then feeling sorry for ourselves for falling so low…
I am no longer ashamed to say that I did all of those things and many others, thinking that it was the ‘right’ thing to do… I went down to their level. And in doing so, my life became a living hell! Unbearable pain took over my mind and body.
But you know what?
By walking through that hell and by feeling all that rage, hatred, anger, pain, and self-pity I got to know a part of my humanity I didn’t know existed. And as the great Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung said it so beautifully, by getting to know my own darkness, it become a lot easier to deal with the darkness of those around me.
Be kind. Everyone is fighting a hard battle.
I truly believe that at the core level, people are kind, compassionate, and loving. But that, when life becomes too intense and painful, we can fall into the many traps of fear, ignorance, and darkness.
When that happens, we forget who we truly are. And start acting in ways that are cruel, wicked and unkind.
We are only human. It happens. But just because we often fall, it does not mean we should remain there.
I don’t know where you are right now. Or how you are feeling. But what I would love for you to always remember is that the states through which you go in life have nothing to do with who you truly are.
If you ever fall into a state that is unkind, fearful, and unloving. And if you yourself happen to feel unworthy, unloved, and all alone. I want you to remember that that is just a state!
It’s not who you are!
Your true nature is kind and loving. Your origin is unlimited, noble, and divine. And nothing, you or others say or do can ever change that!
May you always remember this! For if you do, you will come out of those lower states with a lot more grace, love, and compassion. And instead of becoming Bitter, you will only become Better and Better…
**What about you? what is the most powerful lesson you have learned from dealing with pain? You can share your comment below 🙂
P.S. Being human is not always easy. I know that. But if we could learn to see Through, not With the eyes, we will eventually discover that everyone is fighting a hard battle. And that what we all need, NOW more than ever, is not judgment, hatred, and condemnation. But rather more love, care, goodness, and compassion… May we find it in our hearts to love more and hate less. To care more, and judge less.