“Self judgment is a form of self-abuse. We often talk about the toxic behaviors of others and the damage it does to our lives. But we rarely stop to think about the pain we inflict upon ourselves and the damage we do to ourselves when we judge and criticize ourselves for ‘not being enough’.” ~ Luminita D. Saviuc
Letting go of Self Judgment
Whether you’re aware of this or not, at one point in your life, somebody said or did something to you that made you question your value and your self-worth.
Maybe it was a child on the playground who bullied you and called you names. Or maybe it was a teacher, parent, or even a classmate who judged and criticized you for God knows what reason. And by being judged by others, you have learned to do the same. You have learned to judge and criticize yourself for ‘not being enough.’
Whatever your story may be, I want you to keep in mind that self judgment is a learned behavior. And just as you have learned to judge and criticize yourself harshly, you can also learn to let go of self judgment and instead, love and praise yourself kindly.
5 Healthy Ways to Let go of Self Judgment
1. Don’t take self judgment personally.
Believe it or not, self judgment has nothing to do with you and who you truly are.
Self judgment is just a mind virus you caught from some unhealthy person or environment. And although it feels personal, it’s not!
All those self-defeating thoughts; those unhealthy and toxic words; all those feelings that make you feel like there is something seriously wrong with you, they are all just lies.
Lies have no Truth in them. And the Truth you should always remember is that you are infinitely valuable, worthy, and enough. And that it will serve you well to let of self judgment and live in the Truth of I Am Enough!
2. Commit to self-love and ignore all self judgment.
Make a commitment to yourself to become so good at loving and caring for yourself, that you have no time to pay attention to any negative and self-defeating thoughts, patterns, and behaviors;
Make a commitment to yourself to ignore any thought, word, feeling, and behavior that is not in alignment with self-love and self-empowerment. And do your best to only focus on that which is kind and loving to you.
Everything else, just let it go.
You can’t serve two masters. If you focus on loving yourself, self-hatred and self-judgment will no longer find a place within your heart. And in doing so, you will go from judging to praising, loving, and respecting yourself.
3. Let go of self judgment by creating an ideal image of yourself.
Create a colorful image in your mind’s eye of the person you would love to become and the life you would love to live by asking yourself questions like:
- What would my life be like if I were free from criticism and self judgment?
- How would I feel?
- How would I look?
- Who would be the people in my life and what would my relationships be like?
- How would I walk?
- How would I talk?
- How would I think?
- How would I dress and conduct myself?
- Where would I live and with whom? etc..
As human beings, we need to be passionate about something. We need to have a focus and a vision of some sort. If we don’t, we risk falling into an abyss of procrastination, fear, and confusion.
By painting a vivid picture in your mind’s eye of your ideal self and life, you create a vision and a purpose, something positive and uplifting for you to focus and be passionate about. And even though you will have days when you will feel like giving up, placing your awareness on this image and reminding yourself of why you are doing this, will give you strength and courage to keep on going and to not give up.
4. Let patience do its part.
If you have been judging yourself for a while now, chances are that your behavior has turned into an addiction. And you now feel as though you have little, or no control at all over this unhealthy pattern.
You take a few steps, make a few changes and that gives you hope. But then something happens: someone says or does something, or maybe things don’t go as planned, and before you know it, you fall back into the old patterns of putting yourself down and feeling like a complete failure.
Just as it takes a while for a little baby to learn to walk and talk, in the same way, it takes a while to let go of old habits and create new ones.
Let patience do its part.
When you fall down, get back up as gently and as compassionately as possible by reminding yourself that it takes time to grow a tree; it takes time to uproot old habits and grow new ones. And that’s exactly what you are now doing. You are shedding the old you and building a new you. There is no need to panic.
Trust that you are making progress, even if it’s not always obvious;
Trust that eventually you will become the person you know in your heart you deserve to be: kind, loving, genius, creative, and inspiring;
Trust that you will eventually make peace with yourself and your life;
And trust that one day you will learn how to love yourself just as much as you want others to love you.
There is so much pain in each and every one of us. So many wounds in need of healing. And if we make a commitment to start freeing ourselves from this unhealthy need to put ourselves down by constantly judging and criticizing ourselves for our many ‘flaws and imperfections’, we will soon discover that we have always been worthy, valuable, and enough.
That is our Nature. That is our Origin.
There is absolutely nothing about us lacking. And it is my hope that by reading this blog post and by applying these principles, with patience, humility, and diligence, you will find your way out of self judgment and back into that wonderful and peaceful space where you can see yourself clearly and lovingly as being worthy and enough!
P.S. Dedicated to Jeff S. 🙂