Sometimes we just can’t wrap our minds around what happened to us. Sometimes we have a hard time accepting that something that should’ve lasted forever actually came to an end. Sometimes we get trapped in the past, hoping that one day we’ll pick up where we left off. And, we, unconsciously, start ruining our future out of the inability to leave the past behind.
How to Set Yourself Free and Leave The Past Behind
When our story came to an end, honestly, I was devastated. When things had changed and our future had no more us together in it, I lost it. I just couldn’t believe that we were one of those couples who don’t get to live our happily ever after. The things I was scared the most of came to life and I was left alone, without you.
I couldn’t accept what happened. I couldn’t accept that I don’t have you anymore, that I’m not yours and that you are not mine anymore. We had so many plans, so many expectations from each other and all that disappeared in the blink of an eye. It just seemed so unrealistic, like a nightmare that was going to end any second now. The ugly part was that it wasn’t a nightmare and I was very much alive.
I couldn’t let go. I just couldn’t forget all that we could’ve been. I couldn’t let go of all of our promises, of our future that should’ve been pretty. I had expectations. You made me so many promises and I made so many plans, and now, I just had to forget about everything and move on. How the hell was I supposed to do that when I still had feelings for you?
I stayed stuck in our past, trying so hard to relive it. I played every happy moment that we had again and again. All those unhappy moments I forced myself to forget because they started ruining this perfect image that I had in my head about the two of us.
They’d remind of why I don’t have you and I was trying so hard to forget the fact that we weren’t together anymore. I waited for you to come back, so we could pick up where we left off. I thought that happens when a man falls in love. But that didn’t happen. There isn’t such thing as picking up where we left off once things come to an end. I learned that you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
I missed you so much. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t move on. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t accept that we’re over. I loved you too much. I cared for you too much to just let you go. I was literally able to find you everywhere. You’d pop into my mind each time I heard our song or songs that meant something to us.
Leave The Past Behind
When I walked next to the coffee shop where we drank coffee, when I saw your hoodie in my closet, when I met with our friends, it was all so painful for me. I swear I never thought I could love someone like this and yet I loved you more than I have ever loved anyone else. Everything that happened left me so very broken. And I couldn’t pull myself together.
I missed out on so much. In focusing on what I didn’t have, I closed my eyes to the things I had. My life was flashing before my eyes and I did nothing about it. You have no idea how many good people I left high and dry because I was waiting for one who was long gone.
You have no idea how many amazing moments I have missed out because I was waiting for you, how many good guys I said “no” to because of you. You have no idea how many times I caught myself thinking: “Does he love me?” You turned out to be fine and you made it clear that there is no need to relive the past because if it was meant to be, it would have never ended. It was me that was holding onto something that ended a long time ago.
At one point, I looked at my life and I asked myself, “What the hell happened here?” I just couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I couldn’t believe that my life would ever turn out to be the way it was. I was a complete stranger to my family, my friends and even to myself. I was at an all time low. Before I got broken, I had a future. But once our story came to an end, I just couldn’t move on. I forgot all that I could be, hoping that the past wouldn’t stay behind and that things would take another turn. But they didn’t. And I just couldn’t keep on living the way I did.
Leave the Past in the Past
I’ve let my past interfere with my future. Instead of living for what today has to offer, I have been living for what yesterday has taken away. And this made things even worse.
Then, when I saw a stranger staring at me in the mirror, I decided it’s time to come to my senses. I decided it was time to stop destroying my future because I was clinging to my past. I decided it’s time to leave the past behind, where it actually belonged.
I learned that I have to leave the darkness of my past, so I can focus on letting in the light of my future. I learned that I can’t live on the ashes of something that was once a great fire. You and I definitely weren’t destined to last forever. And I needed to accept that.
I’m done letting my past ruin my future. I’m done hoping to live the same story again. I decided to hope that better things are waiting for me and that the person that loves me next will be the right person for me. I decided to stop being toxic and I decided to stop giving my past so much power over my future.
So, here I am now, a girl accepting that what I had was amazing, but it wasn’t meant to last. Here I am, opened for the future to turn out for the better. Here I am, wide awake and without the burden of the past on my shoulders. And it feels so amazing to know I still have a future even though you’re no longer in it.