How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem After a Breakup

Why is it that when a relationship falls apart, a lot of other things in life seem to tumble right after it, including friendships, your self esteem, and confidence?

Rebuild Your Self Esteem

The memory of suddenly coming home from work to an empty house, a ready meal and a bottle of wine when my partnership ended, still makes me shudder. Adding a series of dodgy dating partners, the lack of available friends and empty weekends to the mix, had my confidence disintegrating so fast, I could barely think straight.

Of course, the breakup of a partnership is bound to make you feel a little lost. Your sense of self and how you fit into the world suddenly shifts and it’s so easy to feel a sense of panic that life will pass you by unless you get back to something similar to what you had before. 

It’s the fear that you may fall apart if you let go of the past, that keeps you from moving forward and keeps you firmly in the post-relationship slump, picking over what went wrong, instead of thinking about what could go right.

5 Tips to Rebuild Your Self Esteem After a Breakup

The most critical part of avoiding the slump, or getting out of it once you’re in there, is to take action and sometimes the action you need to take isn’t obvious. Here are 5 tips to rebuild your self esteem after a breakup into a confident, single, fearless, you.

1. Leave the Anger at the Door and Step Outside

I know you want to scream and stamp, rant and rave and generally get it all out of your system – go right ahead!  There’s nothing better than raging at the universe when you’ve had a bad experience.  But once you’ve done it, then say goodbye to it. 

Anger really does screw up your body and your mind.  Your grandma was so right, fresh air and countryside soothe the soul and if you can power walk or run, even better.  Get those happy hormones dancing and give yourself a break.

2. Put Dating on Hold (for now)

Not what you wanted to hear…… right? 

Dating is great, as long as you’re not desperately searching for someone else to make you happy.  Making you happy is your job. 

When you’re living in the post-breakdown void, dating might seem like the best way out, but if you jump in too quick, with a desperate desire to be loved again, you’re likely to have a series of unsatisfying and confidence-knocking experiences.  Restaurants are littered with bad dates talking about past relationships – it’s enough to make your ears bleed!  

3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Recognize that your old life is gone and while you’re still comparing it with the vacuum that you find yourself in right now, your new life can’t begin. 

Were things really that great, would you really want to go back to that place? 

There is a great quote from Paulo Coelho that sums this up beautifully, ‘If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello’.  

Your new hello isn’t the place you’re in right now, or back where you came from, it’s the door that’s just in front of you.  Your job is to turn the handle and walk straight through.

4. Hang onto Yourself

Partnerships mean compromise and you’ll have made plenty while you were in a twosome.  Now though, there are no compromises, you can be 100% you and do whatever you want to do.  The question is, who are you and what do you want out of life? 

Think about the things that you’d really love to do, the things that you’re passionate about. 

What are your personal goals? 

Where do you want to go and who do you want to meet? 

Once you’ve got that straight in your head, then start planning to get them into your life.  Rebuild your self esteem, plan your future, and make it one of the most exciting parts of being single again.

5. Get out and Make New Friends

Stewing over the past and rerunning events in your head only happens when you have too much time to think and that’s usually when you’re on your own.  Having great friends around you, who can make you laugh and pull you out of the blues when you’ve lingered in there for too long, is your escape plan.  Arrange nights out, afternoons at the cinema.  Is the house too quiet? 

Host something in your home and invite everyone.  Don’t wait for someone to come to your rescue, rescue yourself with the help of your friends.  If you lose some friends, don’t worry about it…. c’est la vie. 

Go find some more, there are groups and clubs just waiting for new members.  Give it a go, you have no idea who you might meet.

Being on your own isn’t the end of the world, it’s the start of a new one.  Maybe you’ll get back into a partnership at some point, but for now, focus on loving you. 

Give yourself 100% of your attention and get excited about what could be. 

Say goodbye to the old and let life welcome you with a new hello.

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Jane Mann

Jane is a life coach and founder of Single Female Friends, which is a new free 'find a friend' website for single women. She has worked in the corporate world for many years with coaching as a side-hustle and has coached since 2005. When her partnership broke down, her status as a successful senior vice president at Bank of America, married to a much younger guy just fell apart and she had to use all of her coaching expertise to get her out of that slump, overcome the failure and get back out celebrating her new single life.

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