“Fear makes you doubt the goodness in people. It makes you feel small and insignificant, bitter and resentful, unworthy of anything good. It makes you doubt yourself and everyone around you. It makes you question your own beauty and perfection, and it makes you question the existence of the most beautiful and most real feeling in the world, LOVE.”~ Luminita D. Saviuc, 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy: An Inspiring Guide to Discovering Effortless Joy
Fear can paralyze you. It can cause your whole life to spiral out of control and keep you from the things you want more than anything. We have, however, been led to believe that getting rid of our fear is the way to do life.
What we don’t often talk about is its purpose in our lives and how we can maneuver through it once we understand its role. This may be hard to understand but fear is not really the enemy because it has been designed by you for you.
4 Powerful Ways to Stop Fear from Holding You Back
Below are four things you need to know about the big F.
1. Fear lives and dies in your mind.
Even though it doesn’t have physical features we allow it to thrive in a physical nest: our minds. Often times I meet people so afraid it will immerse them because they feel it’s stronger than they are.
Fear cannot really hurt you, not in a physical way. It’s not a physical entity. So if you created it you’re the only one who can let go of it.
2. Fear will always come in to keep you safe
Fear’s job is to keep you safe from that which you deem dangerous.
Fear is merely protecting you from that which you told yourself is not safe because it survives on and operates from the programming you gave it. When we are afraid of what is outside our comfort zones, Fear will say,
“This is dangerous. Let’s not go there. Let’s stay here, it’s safe,”
and come up with all sorts of seemingly rational reasons to keep you in the same place.
3. As long as it sees something as safe it will keep you in your comfort zone
As long as you are familiar or comfortable fear will do it’s best to keep you there. It wasn’t designed to ‘put you in danger’. Fear is that voice that says it doesn’t know what’s on the other side. It sees the evidence of where you are and even though you may be uncomfortable and really want change it knows how to survive where it is because where it is, is familiar. And so it will fight hard to keep you there.
For example, you may get a great job opportunity and get so thrilled about it. It has a better paycheck, less working hours which means you’ll have more family time, and you may even get your own office. Fear comes in and says,
“Wait a minute, I’m not familiar with this.
Stop right there.
What if you earn more and people start coming to ask you for money?
What if they judge you because of your new fancy company car?
What if your new boss is a jerk?
Or what if the company goes into liquidation in a years’ time.
That’s not safe?”
And although you really want those things, fear starts to tell you that the unknown is a bad bet. You don’t know what could happen. And what you know currently is familiar and safe.
Can you see how fear starts to talk you out of things and how convincing its story can really be?
4. The responsibility is on you
It’s YOUR job to let it know that it doesn’t have to come in and protect you from the things you want anymore. It is up to you to communicate this and give fear a new instruction.
Let’s imagine that fear is a person. Imagine what you would say to him or her. What would they say back? Really sink into this and give him a personality. Once you can connect with this part of you is easy to see that it’s just as afraid as you are. And that it’s just trying to preserve what it knows.
Each time fear comes in to protect you we want to gently say,
“I appreciate your role but I got this. This is why it will work.”
And then give yourself at least three to five reasons why it will work. What this does is simply give your brain a new pathway to follow. It trains your mind to see the possibilities and build on a new belief which later becomes tangible.
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. It’s fear that keeps you alert when you’re driving, crossing the road or even bungee jumping. It has its purpose in our daily lives and it will always come in to protect. All you have to do is pay attention to it and the lessons it wants you to learn.