5 Things You Learn from Not Being Loved the Way You Needed To

“The secret to being loved is to let yourself be loved.” ~ Marty Rubin

Love – the seemingly elusive word, in both its absence and presence, has taught me everything I know about the way the world works.

Why people hurt.

Why they prefer to remain stagnant instead of growing.

Why they would rather close the door on it and live in the shadows of pain.

Love is not pain – I refuse to believe that. And through its seeming absence, I have taken the following lessons from it.

Here are 5 things you learn from not being loved the way you need to:

5 Things You Learn from Not Being Loved the Way You Needed To

1. Not everyone is going to love you the way you want to be loved

Not everyone has the same definition of love. For some, love is scary, it’s risky and unkind.

Some spill it out of their hearts because they know it is our birthright.

Some people won’t love us fully or in the way we need it, and making peace with that is the fastest way to happiness.

It is up to us to give ourselves what we need before making it someone else’s priority.

In fact, we should love ourselves so much that it fills up our whole being.

In acknowledging this we can take ownership that it’s up to us to fill those spaces ourselves because our happiness lies with us first and foremost.

2. You need to be a friend to yourself

Your first relationship starts with you and it is the foundation of all others to follow. During hard times, I could either reject or alienate myself as they did or start to pay attention to what the little girl in me was trying to communicate back to me.

By acknowledging our inner child’s needs, we realize that there is still a love that needs to be extended to our deepest parts.

This little girl is the reason why it’s so crucial to learn to give yourself the nurture, love and care you would expect from the world. In this way, her primary needs are met and when others are around they don’t fill a void but add to a flowing cup.

3. Love comes from different places

Love comes in various forms and often through the least expected avenues. It can express itself through a friend, a stranger, an act of kindness.

It can come in the form of a beautiful sunset or as someone’s time gifted to us.

When we start to see the different forms of love it gives life a sweeter tune.

Let us start to pay attention to what is showing up for us.

4. When you learn what love isn’t, you can teach what love is

Love will always love you the way you need to be loved. It will sit with you in those empty moments and warm your wounded spirit.

Because I grew up where love was transactional, I decided to love with no conditions. By craving to be nurtured, I learned how to be a nurturer to myself and, in turn, to others.

We get to choose the characteristics we want to adopt and be those things we most needed.

When we learn what love isn’t, we can teach what love is.

5. They were your greatest teachers

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” ~ Khalil Gibran

Your biggest challenges are often your biggest teachers, even if you don’t see it in the moment.

You would not be the person you are today if you didn’t have those lessons to reveal your strengths and gifts to you.

Our experiences shape us and it’s up to us to decide how that shape continues to take form.

Our lessons are here to unlock our potential and help us be more of who we are.

And we are so much more than we think.

We are love. And we are loved.

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Ulenda Myburgh

Ulenda Myburgh is a Transformational Mindset Coach and Self-Love Strategist helping women find their inner voice and have the courage to create life on their own terms without compromising who they are. For more information, you can join her private Facebook group, visit her website at www.wearefearlesswomen.com or email her at ulenda.t@gmail.com.

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