Do people always seem to have control over you?
Each time conflict happens, no matter how small it is, you feel helpless and vulnerable. You feel inadequate, ashamed, and angry at yourself.
It seems like people don’t take you seriously at all.
You over-analyze people’s actions. Each word, each move by them are planted in your head without notice.
Even a simple conversation gone wrong can make you sick.
What’s worse, every time you encounter a similar situation, past experiences creep into your mind. Then you start panicking again.
As this repeats, you may start to develop social anxiety, or even depression.
You may be a little sensitive, and it is not a bad thing. It simply means you can read people intuitively.
If anything, it is a gift.
But you don’t want be so pressed by your “sensitivity” all the time.
Your sensitivity makes you think too much. Because of it, you always take things too personally and get hurt.
So how do you tone your sensitivity down?
How do you stop taking things personally, you know, at least not every time you interact with someone?
If you want to learn how to stop taking things personally, start by taking a look at the person who may have insulted you. Do you know him or her well?
If you can, observe how he acts in general.
Most of the time, you will notice the same behavior over and over again. This is basically who he has always been.
“But he was really targeting me for no reason!” You may think.
It doesn’t make any difference. He may just be the type who likes to go around and insult people.
Even if the insult is directed at you (most likely not), it is not personal – because he didn’t direct his bad behavior at you specifically. He does it all time. He does it to everybody.
Hell, maybe he didn’t even mean it. It’s just who he is.
Unfortunately, you and he have a personality clash. Not everybody clicks well with each other.
It is easy to shift the blame onto yourself and become self-conscious in conflicts, especially if you take things too personally.
When this happens, remind yourself that you have done nothing wrong. You are already enough and complete as a person. You don’t have a single problem.
Instead, blame fate, blame bad luck. You are just not meant to be together.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
2. Give up the need to be dishonest with people and yourself.
Do you think you are nice?
Do you go out of your way to make the others feel good?
If you do, it’s time to let that go.
When people hurt you, stop trying to be nice to them when in fact you dislike them. You are just lying to them and to yourself.
You are being deceptive.
Be honest. Go and tell them how you really feel because of what they did.
Ask them “I heard you say this. Did you say this? Do you mean it?”
This is a perfectly normal reaction on your part. And you will be surprised how well this “honesty approach” works.
Not only will they back down and apologize, you will also find out that often they were not trying to be rude in the first place.
And if they really meant to insult you?
Well, at least you know who to stay away from.
3. Cure your wounds with your inner eye.
Do you feel a need to escape from your bad feelings?
This is a normal and completely understandable impulse, especially when you are hurt.
A bad way to cope is to distract yourself with mind-numbing activities: watching long hours of TV, eating lots of junk food, and so on. These are called escapisms.
True, they take your mind off your feelings temporarily. But they are not only a waste of your valuable time, they also won’t solve your problem and cure your wounds for good.
In the worst case, you may even develop depression by bottling your emotions up.
So don’t distract yourself. Instead, face your feelings.
Let’s do a little meditation.
Find a quiet place and sit down. First, you acknowledge an emotion. Next, you close your eyes, and put all your mental focus on observing the emotion, while blocking out everything else.
Don’t force the emotion to go away. Resistance creates extra resistance. You only have to focus on it as you study its rise and fall. Whenever you are distracted, gently bring your attention back to it.
It will not feel good initially. But when you focus on it long enough, the emotion will actually become weaker and weaker. You will gradually calm down.
And there is more to this.
When you observe inwardly, you distance yourself from your emotions. Instead of being caught in them, you will be able to about to think clearly and objectively.
This is the basis of a rational, objective mind. Only then can you analyze the situation without emotional prejudice, and act accordingly.
How to Be Hard and Strong in the Face of Any Attacks
Now imagine a world where you no longer take things personally.
People hurl insults at you, and you brush them off like they are nothing.
Sure, you feel a little bad, but you know these insults are not really directed at you.
It could be a number of things. It could be bad luck. It could be that they are having a bad day. It could be who they have always been.
Hell, maybe they didn’t even mean it.
And because you are now in complete control of yourself, you can choose to act when you need to, including confronting the person head on.
Instead of giving the other person more power over you than he should ever be allowed to have, you can now see the situation objectively.
Instead of letting someone challenge your reality and tell you who you are, you stay grounded inside and believe in yourself.
That’s why you don’t take anything personally anymore.
It all sounds good. So how do you do it?
Tweak your lifestyle little by little, and constantly remind yourself of the right thing to do.
Don’t worry if you can’t be all carefree just yet. Take it one step at a time. With practice, you will get better and better at dealing with people.
So let’s get going.
And you will have the freedom you have always dreamed of.
With all my love,
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