Sorry-You’ve-Been-Using-Gratitude-All-Wrong

Be grateful…thankful…feel blessed – this is the only way to manifest something new in life.

Seems to be everyone’s mantra these days. I almost can’t say it anymore. When did this start? When were we ever not grateful for what we have? Just because I was complaining didn’t mean I was not grateful or thankful for my life.

I believe this all started from the books that said – in order to manifest something in your life you have to be in a place of gratitude. While there is nothing wrong with that, it is now as common as “Have a nice day… Be grateful.”

But I wonder – do we really feel grateful, in our souls, truly thankful for where we are? How can we? When the state of gratitude has only been created to manifest a new reality. When we are hoping for something else, something to take us out of a situation that is causing us to manifest something new – can we really feel the gratitude we are supposed to feel?

Like when we say “Have a nice day.” Do we really mean it anymore?

A Different Way of Looking at Gratitude

Sadly, like playing the game telephone, somewhere the message of being grateful was misunderstood. And so, we’ve started using gratitude all wrong.

In my twenties I read the Four Agreements, The Alchemist, Think and Grow Rich and Victor Frankel’s Pursuit of Happiness. These books gave me the courage to believe that I could do anything; they also made me understand that it was my state of mind that would get me there.

Fast forward 15 years and I was an intentional single mom, made six figures, rented a 3 bedroom home and had a high-end car. Never really stopping to be grateful for what I had. Not that I wasn’t happy, I was, but this idea of being grateful all the time seemed a bit abnormal. But in 2015, all the books I was reading said that in order for a change to occur in my life, I had to be grateful for what I did have, thankful for my life, say affirmations every day to get into that grateful state of mind. Me, the old fashioned yoga, meditation person didn’t really quite know how to do it; be grateful all the time to manifest something. Hmmmmm, so if I don’t have a boyfriend, and want a boyfriend, I had to be happy on my own. Well if I truly was, I wouldn’t want a boyfriend, right?

Okay, I will give this a try, so what do I like about my job, let me write all the positive aspects down. I tried, wrote down all my happy thoughts, things I am grateful for, affirmations, said them daily but to no avail, nothing changed. Put it this way, in the Sex in the City episode, when Carrie finally stands up to the famous positive affirmation speaker lady saying that Charlotte did do everything in the book, said all the affirmations, prayed, listened, all to meet the man of her dreams, and…it still didn’t work – I felt vindicated. It was almost like Carrie Bradshaw was talking about me.

So what was wrong? Where was the disconnect? What was embedded in me that I wasn’t in genuine gratitude? On a conscious level, I wanted to change – what was going on unconsciously?

In my search, I stumbled on body or muscle testing techniques – just look for muscle testing on line and you will find several different ways to test what you believe is true, for you. In other words, you get to ask yourself questions and find out what you really think.

Much to my surprise, well not really, I didn’t think highly enough of myself.

Clearly, my past had an impact on my state of mind in the present – both good and bad.

Right, great, so now how was I going to be in a state of gratitude and manifest something if I didn’t really feel like it could happen in my core.

I began to realize that we give a lot of people control over how we feel and rarely take responsibility to own up to why they are making us feel this way. What bothers me doesn’t bother you – have you ever wondered why? There are things I can deal with easily, for one, being alone doesn’t bother me at all, other people – it terrifies them, they always have to be around people.

So I kept a keen watch on what I was feeling inside. What things or events brought about panic, fear, happiness, sadness in my daily life, and then I would ask myself what does this remind you of, where is that feeling stemming from?

Once you find the origin of the feeling, you can be conscious of the fact that you are no longer physically there. Whether it was something your mom or dad used to say to you or an ex did to you, you are probably no longer there physically but the emotional ramifications stayed, and now, when something makes you feel as you felt during those moments, you’re stuck in the past and cannot be grateful for your present. Once we can identify this feeling – you can find your own way, through a healer, or be praying, or affirmations to start healing the energy around the past trauma, not the present trauma because that is simply the fruit of the seed.

After this process, I started to feel genuine gratitude for my present, and not sub consciously lament about things from my past.

So, of course, now you are thinking you have a lot of work ahead of you. Well, actually, I managed to figure out a short cut to truly feeling grateful and happy. Here’s the thing they never told you – when you cannot be grateful for anything else be thankful for you.

No, no no, not be grateful for yourself in that passive way. I mean to yell that you are the best thing that has ever happened to you. Do not get confused. I am not talking about your surroundings, nope, your children, best friend or spouse, YOU! This isn’t the love you’re feeling. This is hands down, on my knees, kiss yourself whew you made it through something and as tattered up as you are, I’m gonna kiss myself because if it was anyone else, they wouldn’t have handled it like me.

Whatever you have managed to live through, abuse, death, break-ups, financial losses, you have to remember you have YOURSELF and that is a lot! Or at least try to start seeing that as a lot. Trust me – it will work, when you are just feeling at your worst, and feel hopeless just say it – I am thankful for me, keep saying it for a minute and see what power it gives you – what strength rises from the inside. Feel it so much that you want to cry. How many things, people, situations have brought you to tears, can your own strength and love for yourself bring you to tears? Try it – and see if you can feel the passion for yourself that you feel towards something you want to change.

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Ashweeta Durani

Ashweeta Durani is a public relations professional in New York City by day. Any other time, she is a person that is devoted to the emotional well-being of her family, friends and anyone who will listen. Always devouring all of the latest spiritual books, re-reading the classic books on spirituality, and checking out different types of meditations and classes for different healing techniques – she is still on her quest to find answers. She writes on the side to put on paper her random thoughts in hopes maybe her experiences will help others. Personally, she spends time with her heart and soul, her son and boyfriend. She believes happily ever after is a state of mind.

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3 Comments

  • asia carrera

    13, May 2017 at 2:48 am

    I really liked your blog article.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  • Abby Collins

    14, June 2016 at 5:56 pm

    Thank you, Ashweeta! This is an inspiring article and I am grateful you wrote it. Thank you!

  • Lisa H.

    7, June 2016 at 9:38 pm

    Beautifully thought out and written! I almost feel as if you’re speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing your inspiring words. I know your message is coming from a sincere place deep within. Thank you for the reminder to respect, believe and be grateful for ourselves! I appreciate this message.