Looking-for-Love-and-Approval-in-All-the-Wrong-Places(1)

For as long as I can remember I did things hoping that they would make people see that I am worthy and deserving of love and approval. This wasn’t always a conscious act. No, not really. But as years went by, and as I started to become more conscious of my unconsciousness, I began to realize that all of my life I have been waiting for people to love and approve of who I was, and of what I was doing, just so that I could start loving myself as well. I needed the world to confirm to me that I was worthy before believing that that was true.

I guess this can happen in a world where most of us look outside ourselves for all the things we think are missing from within ourselves – love and approval being few of them. And when you are raised in an environment where these things aren’t being given to you, especially in the first 6 to 7 years of your life when your foundation is being set, you will most definitely grow up with a strong feeling of unworthiness as Bruce Lipton explains: “The first six years of a child’s life, it is like a tape recorder is on. Everything it sees, smells, touches, experiences in any way, whatever it hears, is being downloaded into the brain before the consciousness of the child is even made apparent.”

Looking for Love and Approval in All the Wrong Places?

Being deprived of love and affection all throughout childhood, I grew up thinking that there was something seriously wrong with me. And even though I did a lot of work on myself throughout the years, I still found myself thinking, at times, that I wasn’t enough – good enough, smart enough, fast enough, skilled enough, etc..

But life loves me a great deal. And it the past two years or so, it took me places I’ve never been before, and it gave me so many intense, profound and meaningful experiences that made me realize, once again, how much pain we inflict on ourselves in those moments when we by perceive ourselves as not being worthy of love and approval. And how unhealthy it is to think of ourselves as being undeserving of all the good things life has to offer us. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

We are here in this world to walk our own path with grace and confidence. To do the things we were born to do, and to make this world better just by being here. And if we live our lives from a place of fear, lack, and insecurity, thinking that we need to prove our worth to those around us for as long as we live, through everything we do and all that we are, we will continue to inflict a lot of pain and suffering onto ourselves and those we love. 

There is nothing about you lacking. Nothing about you that needs to be improved and approved by those around you. And even though we live in a world that encourages you to do and to buy all kind of things that will add more “value” to who you already are, it’s so important not to fall into the trap of looking outside yourself for all the things that can only be found within yourself. It’s so important not to fall into the trap of thinking that there is something seriously wrong with you and that you need to get love and approval from those around you in order for you to feel better about yourself. 

Just as I say in my book, 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy, you were born whole and perfect, and who you are underneath it all never stopped being whole and perfect. You really don`t need to add anything to your life or get any more love and approval from those around you, in order for you to feel this way.

You already are enough!

So why look outside yourself for something that is already within you? Why beg for love from those around you when there’s an abundance of love within you when within you lies all the love, appreciation, approval and affection you need and desire?

In you, not outside you.

If you do things, do them because you want to do them, for the fun of it. But not because they will make you more valuable. Not because they will “fix” what is broken in you. Do them because you choose to do them. And know that no matter where you’ve been, no matter how many battles you had to fight, and no matter how much darkness you had to face, you are not flawed. You are not broken. 

“Seeing into darkness is clarity. Knowing how to yield is strength. Use your own light and return to the source of light. This is called practicing eternity.” ~ Lao Tzu

You came into this world shining as bright as the Sun. And who you are at the core level, never stopped shining. That would be impossible since that is your true nature. And even though a lot of darkness was brought upon you, by your own self, or others, it is time to return to the light. 

It is time to stop looking for love and approval in all the wrong places. It is time to look within. Don’t look outside yourself for all those things you think are missing from your life. Look within. 

Be brave enough to trust yourself, your heart and your inner guidance. Allow your heart, your soul, and your intuition to lead the way. To take you back home – back to yourself, and back to being the beautiful, whole and perfect being life. And by doing so, you will realize that the love and approval you’ve always wanted are already within you. They always were and always will be 🙂

~love, Luminita💫

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita, the Founder of PurposeFairy, is an enthusiastic student of the arts, psychology, and spirituality. Her acclaimed blog post, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy , was shared by over 1.3 million people on Facebook. Later on, it became the heart of her book, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy., book that was published by Penguin Random House. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

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4 Comments

  • John Hollins

    15, June 2016 at 7:52 am

    Self-Love may be my favorite topic EVER. Because it is the foundation for manifesting everything we want, including a deep sense of self-worth and self-appreciation.

  • Victoria C.

    21, April 2016 at 6:38 pm

    Dearest little Luminita –
    Again today your words were exactly the ones I needed to hear, for what I am going through in my life. You know that you are a gift to us, and I’m amazed that you have so much courage to give it. What you said today about the first 6 or 7 years of a child’s life is so terribly important. It is something most people overlook without realizing how powerful it is.

    I too am a truth student like yourself, adventuring, wandering, and sometimes stumbling through this life, and each time I fall, I do get up little wiser and a little stronger. I am writing a book about my life, and how the untruths we are taught as children can lodge so deep in our subconsciousness that we don’t even realize them, and we operate on these misbeliefs for a lifetime, making the same mistakes over and over until we learn. Some of us will not learn in this lifetime.

    You have found a way to share your incredible gift of loving insights, and that is helping me find my courage to give mine too. My book is quite different from yours, as all of us have been given a different gift. My book is a memoir titled: Victory Is My Name.

  • Nicolae

    21, April 2016 at 9:03 am

    “Enjoy everything that happens in your life,but never make your happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person,place or thing”~Wayne Dayer.

  • David Ryan Tarog

    20, April 2016 at 11:02 pm

    Pretty much sums up the story of me and my ex. Nice to know I’m not the only one who learned the hard way.

    Thanks, Luminita. God bless you and keep you.