“There comes a time in life when you are asked to disappoint your family to be true to yourself. And if you dare to say ‘no’ to yourself – out of a fear of rejection and abandonment, and ‘yes’ to them – out of a need for approval and validation, chances are that you will regret it for the rest of your life.” ~ Luminita D. Saviuc
There is something about family that makes us behave in bizarre ways. Something about family that makes us think it’s okay to betray ourselves – our dreams, our calling in life, our happiness, needs, and desires – just so we can please them.
Our family’s needs always seem more important than our own. But is that really true?
On Having the Great Courage to Disappoint Your Family to Be True to Yourself
“When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, you make the other person a thief.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
There are many roles we all play each day, within our family and home environment: mother, daughter, child, father, husband, wife, etc., and many expectations we try to meet each day. We want to make our families proud and happy. We want to give them the best we’ve got. But the sad thing about it is that often times we give so much of ourselves to them, that there is nothing left for us.
“For far too long we have been seduced into walking a path that did not lead us to ourselves. For far too long we have said yes when we wanted to say no. And for far too long we have said no when we desperately wanted to say yes. . . . When we don’t listen to our intuition, we abandon our souls. And we abandon our souls because we are afraid if we don’t, others will abandon us.” ~ Terry Tempest Williams
We all want to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated by our families, and we all want to make those we love proud. And even though it’s wonderful to have all of these things and many others, it’s even more beautiful to be loved for who we truly are.
It’s even more beautiful to be loved for always being honest with ourselves and with those we love – for standing our ground and for always living in alignment with who we truly are, and not in alignment with who the world expects us to be.
There is a path each and every one of us is called to walk upon, a journey to full healing and self-discovery we all need to take. And even though the happiness of our parents, our brothers, sisters, children, uncles, cousins, and all family members matters a great deal, it shouldn’t matter more than our own happiness. It shouldn’t matter more than our own journey, our own path and our own purpose and calling in life.
You might think that making their needs more important than your own is a noble thing to do. And you might spend your whole life trying to please them. But if in this process of trying to make them happy you forget to be happy yourself, then there’s nothing noble about that.
What can be noble about betraying yourself – your dreams, your path, and calling in life because you’re afraid to disappoint your family and failing their many expectations?
What can be noble about making their needs more important than your own sanity, joy, health, and well-being?
To Give Happiness, We First Need to Become Happiness
To make others happy, we first have to learn how to be happy ourselves. And if our cup is empty, how can we give anything worth having to anyone?
If you want to be of service to those you love, to help make your family’s life more beautiful, inspiring and fulfilling, have the courage to be who you truly are. Prove your love to them by being a living example of what you wish them to become – authentic.
Do you want them to be happy? Be happy yourself. Do you want them to live in Truth and Integrity? Live in Truth and Integrity yourself. Do you want them to live a healthy, balanced, and fulfilling life? Then learn to do all of these things for yourself.
Be a way-shower. Teach by your living example.
Make your happiness, health, and well-being a priority. Be brave enough to disappoint your family so that you can be true to yourself.
Stand your ground. Live the life you know you deserve to live. In doing so, you will become a source of inspiration for all those you love. And through your wise choices and courageous way of living, you will give each member of your family permission to become the wonderful and brilliant beings they were all born to be.
No more sacrificing yourself ‘for your family’s sake’. No more betraying yourself because you are too afraid to disappoint your family. No more devaluing yourself ‘out of love’ for them.
The time has come for you to say ‘yes’ only when you feel it in your heart that you should be saying ‘yes’, and ’no’ when ’no’ is needed. The time has come for you to love, honor, and respect yourself once more.
Always remember that life is too short to be anything but happy. Too short to live a life that is not yours to live.
What about you? Have you ever betrayed yourself because you were too afraid to disappoint your family?
~love, Luminita 💫