“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” ~ Sylvia Plath
What makes us think that we have the right to make others feel responsible for how we feel or don’t feel? Why is it that we expect so much from others and so little from ourselves? We want our family to love and cherish us; we want our friends to value and adore us, and we want the whole world to see how wonderful we really are. But have we learned to provide for ourselves all these things that seek to get from those around us?
We expect so much from others and so little from ourselves. And because we constantly seek outside of us for all the things that we think are missing from within ourselves, we fail to realize that we are powerful beyond measure, and that we can do so much more for ourselves than the whole world can do for us.
“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for your self, all I plead with you is this: make love of your self perfect. Deny yourself nothing — glue your self infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj
After years and years of working on myself, I got really good at dealing with my own darkness; I got really good at facing my inner demons all on my own without the help of other people. But after moving back home to finish writing my book, having to deal with so much past and being in the energy of that place for so long, I began to act differently. I started behaving more like the person that I once was than like the person I had become. As a result, I started expecting my family, my friends and those close to me to bring me up whenever I was feeling down. I started expecting more from those around me than I was expecting from myself. And before I knew it, I completely lost my balance.
Disconnected from the wisdom and the power of my heart and Soul, that magical place from which my strength, courage, and confidence comes from, I started thinking all kind of toxic unhealthy and fearful thoughts, thoughts that were making me feel as if I was living in a very hostile world, a world where I was small and powerless… a world where I needed others to save me because I was no longer able to save myself.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~ Buddha
I was in that place for a limited time and eventually I brought myself back to the surface, but unfortunately, there are a lot of people who live their entire lives from that dark and fearful place, which is a very sad thing. It’s sad because there is so much power, so much strength, and so much wisdom within each and every one of us, but because we believe all the lies our minds are telling us, we start to look outside of us for all the things we think are missing from ourselves; no longer being able to see things clearly, and no longer being able to recognize the truth to ourselves – that we have within us the power, the strength, the courage and confidence to handle everything that life sends our way.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
You are powerful beyond measure, you really, really, really, really are. And even though your mind will try to convince you otherwise, you have to understand that your “salvation” will never come from outside of you. Nobody, no matter how close and important they might be to you, is responsible for your own life, health, happiness, and well-being. Nobody! You are the only one responsible for how you feel, for how your life looks like, and for the mess that’s present in your life. And if you want things to get better, it’s your responsibility to make them better.
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” ~ Mark Twain
Nobody can save you but yourself. You are the main character of your own life, the hero of your own life story, which means that you yourself have to “save” yourself from whatever it is that you need to be “saved”. Only you can bring light to all those places where there was once so much darkness, and only you can conquer your own demons.
Nobody can fight your battles for you.
You may have friends, family members and all kind of people from whom your mind will tell you to expect things like love, happiness, approval, validation, etc., and even though it would be nice to get all those things from them, you have to keep in mind that “Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” ~ Rumi.
You don’t need anything from anyone. Everything you need is already within you. So ask all of yourself. Expect more from yourself and less from others.
Your life is yours to live, so learn to honor who you are. Expect more from yourself and less from others. Make peace with this ideas that everything that’s happening to you, no matter how dark and painful, it’s all part of your life’s journey. It’s all part of your spiritual growth and evolution. It’s all meant to shape you, to polish you and to bring to the surface the incredibly beautiful, powerful and divine being that lies underneath all. Trust that “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ― Eckhart Tolle
Walk your life path with your head held high. Face your challenges with dignity. Allow your struggles to make you better, not bitter. Allow your challenges to lift you up, not to tear you down, and no matter what happens to you, never blame anyone for what you’re feeling. Stay graceful.