“Rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent only on the person who has broken it, or how many times they can prove they are honest. It depends on the person who has decided not to trust anymore. Though they may be totally justified in their decision not to trust, as long as they choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival and should be ended. If or when they decide to trust again, there is hope reborn.” ~ Doe Zantamata
There are moments in our lives when the people we love seem to “fail” us. Moments in which our trust is “betrayed” by those we believed in, and moments when our friends and family members can’t be there for us when we need them the most. When that happens, we feel all alone, abandoned and disconnected from the world around us.
Thinking that people can’t really be trusted, and assuming that we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, we decide to stone our hearts. To build walls instead of bridges. And we try very hard to numb ourselves so that we can no longer feel any more pain. Failing to realize that “The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy.” ~ Jim Rohn
If you are looking to strengthen your faith in humanity, rebuilding trust and believe in people again, here are a few things that will help you do just that.
1. Your world is your consciousness objectified.
It’s a funny thing to see how when your mind is at peace, and when your heart is filled with love, the people around you, and life itself behaves in kind and loving ways towards you, mirroring back at your internal state and offering you the experiences you deep down inside know you deserve.
But when there is darkness within you, and when your mind is intoxicated with all kind of negative thoughts, thoughts about you not being enough, thoughts about people not being trustworthy, and thoughts about this whole world not being a safe and secure place to be in, the whole world seem to transform itself in front of your eyes. Giving to you the experiences you deep down inside expect to receive. Because that’s how much power your mind holds.
One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to tell yourself that you are a victim and that the whole world is against you. The most horrible role a human being can play in this life is the role of a victim. You have no idea how much harm you do to yourself when you tell yourself that you are a victim. No matter what happens to you, and no matter how many people disappoint and betray you throughout your life, never call yourself a victim. Never put yourself in this position. And if you do, make sure you get out of it as fast as possible. Because this is what kills our spirit, what torments our Soul, and what deprives us of the clarity, the inner wisdom and the right to take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, and of our own lives.
“Life is not compassionate towards victims. The trick is not to see yourself as one. It’s never too late! I know I’ve felt like the victim in various situations in my life, but, it’s never too late for me to realize that it’s my responsibility to stand on victorious ground and know that whatever it is I’m experiencing or going through, those are just the clouds rolling by while I stand here on the top of this mountain! This mountain called Victory! The clouds will come and the clouds will go, but the truth is that I’m high up here on this mountaintop that reaches into the sky! I am a victor. I didn’t climb up the mountain, I was born on top of it!” ~ C. JoyBell C.
I’m sure many of you are familiar with this expression: “We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” The outside world is nothing but a projection of our internal world. A projection of our own internal thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. And if we fall into the trap of thinking that we don’t deserve to be loved, that people can’t be trusted, and that the world we live in is a fearful and hostile place, then that’s exactly what we will experience in the outside world. Since our world is nothing but our consciousness objectified.
People, and the world in general treat you the way you think and believe, you deserve to be treated. And in order for your external circumstances to change, and in order for the quality of your relationships, and the quality of your life to improve, you need to make sure that you change your conception of yourself, and your perception of the world. “Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.” ~ Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune
4. Life Loves You, it really does.
I have learned many things from life, and one of them is that the outside world is nothing but a reflection of your inner world. If there is inner turmoil, expect to have outer turmoil as well. If you have deeply hidden wounds, unresolved issues from your past that are still in your energy system, and if there is darkness in you that needs to be brought to the light, life will continue to send your way all kind of people and experiences that will “force” you to deal with your issues so that you can heal your wounds, make peace with your past and move on with your life. That’s how much life loves you.
“So you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloud-shadows, passes over your hands and over all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any miseries, or any depressions? For after all, you do not know what work these conditions are doing inside you.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
Growing up, I have learned to be self-reliant, to do things all by myself and to ask for little or no help from anyone. I had to do it, I had no choice. But as time went by, I realized that I can’t do everything on my own and that I need people – to help me, to love me, and to share the gift of life with me.
No matter how many times we get hurt, betrayed or disappointed by our friends, family members, colleagues, and by people in general, and no matter how many times we will fall down because of how we perceive the behavior of those around us, it’s very important to remind ourselves that we live in a world full of people and that we need one another. We can’t close our hearts and pretend that we don’t need people’s love, help, attention, and affection because we do. John Donne, in No Man, Is An Island – Meditation XVII, said it so beautifully: “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.”
I often say that we don’t get disappointed by people, but by our own expectations. When you expect people to behave in a certain way, to be there for you and tell you the right things at the right time, you can’t help but set yourself for “failure”, since people aren’t meant to be the way we want them to be, but rather the way life intended them to.
“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.” ~ Unknown
This world we live in isn’t perfect. People aren’t perfect. You yourself aren’t perfect. Nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. We all make mistakes. We all behave in ways that others might consider offensive and hurtful, but we have to remind ourselves as often as possible, that just as we have our own darkness to deal with, so does everybody else. Don’t take anything personally.
7. You must not lose faith in humanity.
Many years ago, Mahatma Gandhi shared these powerful words, wanting us to understand that: “Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”
Humanity is like an ocean. And you cannot give up on your faith and trust in humanity just because a few people mistreated and disrespected you at one point in your life. You can’t go around with this idea in your head that people can’t be trusted and that you are all alone in this world. You must not lose faith in humanity. if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty…
8. Love the world as yourself.
Learn to love yourself with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Love yourself as much as you want the world to love you, because only by doing so, will be able to love the world with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Because remember, your world is your consciousness objectified. And if love pours through every cell of your body, then love will flow to you from all areas of life.
“What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear? Hope and fear are both phantoms that arise from thinking of the self. When we don’t see the self as self, what do we have to fear? See the world as you rself. Have faith in the way things are. Love the world as your self; then you can care for all things.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.” ~ Khalil Gibran
Whenever things don’t go your way, and whenever you feel that people act in ways that are hurting you, instead of withdrawing yourself from life, and instead of allowing your mind to trick you into thinking that people can’t be trusted and that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself in this cruel and hostile world, shift your perception.
Change your game. Go from being angry and resentful towards all those who continue to “disappoint” you, to being thankful to life for bringing out to the surface the things that are tormenting your heart and Soul. Choose to express your gratitude for the love that life has for you. Be grateful to life, and be grateful to all of your teachers. And always look within to discover the root cause of all those experiences. Because if you make the fountain pure, all will be pure.