“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” ~ Marianne Williamson
My niece came to me one afternoon to ask me for a glass of water. She was with her bike and because she had been pedaling all day, she got very thirsty.
I gave her water to drink and because of the way she was breathing, I asked her to sit down and rest a bit before going out again. And I pulled the chair for her to sit.
While she was drinking her water, I noticed that she kept looking down, and constantly pulling her hat down so that I won’t see her face.
“What are you doing?” I said to her laughing.
Your hair is all wet.
It’s so hot outside.
Tale off this hat.” And I took off her hat and put it on the table.
She kept looking down and I noticed that there was a sad look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I said to her with a worried voice.
Why are you sad?”
I’m not sad”, she replied.
I had a huge fight with Alexandra.
I don’t want to talk about it. So please, don’t make me talk about it.”
But I wanted her to talk about it. And so I insisted.
“Come on. You know you can tell me. I’m not gonna judge.
What happened between you and your best friend Alexandra?”
“Well, let’s just say that she’s not my friend anymore.” She said to me with a very angry voice and teary eyes.
You have no idea how she spoke to me…. And all the hurtful things she said.
She called me all these horrible names…
Who does that?
Is that what best friends do?
I don’t want to see her ever again.
I’m done with her!”
I was in shock. Never in my entire life have I seen her so full of rage.
“You know, I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you, and I understand that her words did hurt you, but you can’t carry this anger and rage within you.
You need to let go.
You’re so young and innocent. Only 15 years old… All of these toxic thoughts and feelings that you cling on to are poisoning you. Taking away your sweetness, beauty, and innocence.
Please don’t let this happen to you.
Forgive her and all these toxic feelings will immediately be dissolved.“
Once I was done saying these words, I took a step close to her, trying to give her a hug. But she immediately pulled back, feeling even more enraged and upset than she did before.
“You think this is the first time she does this to me?
She always tells me what to do. How to behave, trying to control my every move. Telling me that I have to change and that I shouldn’t be the way I am.
Friends accept you for what you are, without trying to change you.
I don’t want to be her friend anymore.
I don’t want to forgive her.
I forgave her so many times.
I’m not going to do it anymore. So stop telling me to forgive her!”
All of a sudden I started feeling very sad. As if I could feel the pain she was feeling…
“You know, when you forgive, you don’t necessary do it for the other person. You do it for yourself. To be at peace and to be able to continue to enjoy your beautiful life.
When you forgive, you let go of all the toxicity and all the poison you have been clinging on to and you let love back in.
Because nothing feels better than love.
If you don’t want to be friends with her, I understand. Don’t be.
But why allow this incident to poison your mind, body, and soul?
Why carry this heavy burden with you?
Forgive her and you will be free. Forgive her and you’ll be at peace.
I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sure she’s now suffering as much as you do.
So please, don’t do this to yourself.
You girls are very young, and maybe there’s something you both need to learn from this experience. And if you continue to be friends or not, that’s not important. The important thing is for you to cleanse your heart from hatred, anger, and resentment. To think only loving thoughts and to remember only the beautiful moments you girls had together and to never regret that you were friends with her.
And if you ever meet her on the street, to look at her with love and compassion and to have no feelings of anger, bitterness, sadness or resentment towards her.
You have to take good care of your heart and your mind. And no matter if people act in a cruel and evil way towards you, to never allow their words, actions, and behavior to poison you. To never allow them to take away your sweetness, purity, and innocence. Because if you let them take it away, you become just like them. And you start doing on to others the horrible things that you don’t like when others do on to you.
When you forgive you show love and kindness towards yourself. You let go of all the pain that you carry with you, all the thoughts and feelings that are slowly poisoning your mind, body, and heart, and you return to a place of love. Of inner peace and well-being.
This is why you forgive. This is why forgiveness is so important. This is why you should forgive her. So that you can continue to be the wonderful, sweet and pure being that you are.
You forgive because you love yourself.
So practice forgiveness towards her and towards yourself.
When you close your eyes to go to sleep at night, see her standing in front of you. Look at her, and look at her until you are able to see deep into her heart. Deep into her naked Soul.
Look at her until you are able to see her fully covered in light. And know that that’s who she really is.
You have to understand that your minds might be in conflict, but your Souls aren’t. And when you look at her through your mind, you will feel anger, sadness, and resentment. But when look at her though your Soul, you can only feel love and compassion.
So let your Soul look into her Soul. Let your Soul teach the mind how to forgive.
Walk towards her. Hug one another and let this bright light surround and shower both of you with love. And do this each night until there is no more sadness and no more resentment in your heart whenever you think of her. Do this and you’ll see how good it feels. Do this and you will no longer feel hurt…”
I did my best to explain her that day why forgiveness was so important, hoping that eventually, she was going to let go of all those toxic thoughts and emotions she was clinging on to and be at peace once again.
“Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality. Yet, it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds.” ~ Wayne Dyer
A lot of people think that the moment you decide to forgive somebody who once hurt you, the person who receives the forgiveness is the only one benefiting from our kind and charitable gesture, but that’s not the case.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, to be at peace, to be happy and to be able to sleep at night. You don’t forgive because you are weak but because you are strong enough to realize that only by giving up on resentment will you be happy.
If you hold on to poisonous thoughts, hate, anger and resentment, you end up poisoning yourself more than you poison the other person. If others mistreated you in the past it doesn’t mean you have to continue their work. Let go of all the anger, all the toxicity and all the resentment that is poisoning your mind, body, soul and life.
Each night, when you pray, meditate or when you lay down in bed ready to go to sleep, with your eyes closed, see if you can create a mental image of the person, place, thing or experience you feel resentful towards. And look at that person, place, thing or experience through the eyes of your Soul = Love, and not with the eyes of your mind = Judgement.
Cover them all with light and when there is no more judgment, no more anger, and no more resentment, go to them. And allow that light to heal them, to heal you, to heal your relationships and to heal all your wounds. And do this each morning and each night until there are no more sadness and no more resentment in your heart.
Do this until all the memories you have of those people, places, experiences no longer cause you to feel hurt. Do this until you have only love and compassion in your heart for them all. Do this until you are at peace with yourself and all those who have hurt you.
** Why do you think it’s so hard for people to forgive, release and let go of past hurts? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below.