“Don’t let toxic people infect you with the fear of giving and receiving one of the most powerful forces in this world… LOVE!” ~ Yvonne Pierre, The Day My Soul Cried: A Memoir
A while back I had a really beautiful interview with one of the most respected and most read newspapers in Romania and even though I was a bit worried that my ideas won’t translate so well in Romanian as they do in English, I was pleased to find out that that wasn’t the case.
It was probably one of the most profound and most amazing interviews I have ever had, with some really deep and meaningful questions. And even though there were many, many questions, I was so happy to answer each and every one of them.
It took quite some time for the interview to be published because of the elections and other things that were important for the newspaper, and once all of those things were out of the way, the interview was published.
The whole thing appeared a few days ago on the front page of the newspaper and it was also published online, on their website.
Healthy Ways to Deal with Toxic People
Even though I enjoyed giving this interview so much and even though it was a real pleasure working with them, to be honest, I didn’t really expect it to be what you would call a “hit”, mostly because I know that the things I write about aren’t something too many Romanians are interested in. Or at least that’s what I thought.
The article was Liked by almost 20K people and shared on many of the Social media platforms like crazy. I couldn’t believe it and of course, I was very happy to see that, especially because the things I spoke about, came straight from my heart.
The day that the interview was published online, I went to read the article, especially because the journalist who interviewed me kept messaging me, telling me how many people were on the page and how many people were sharing it. And so I went on their website to see what was happening and read some of the comments, and when I scrolled all the way down I was in shock. There were almost 1000 Shares and 4 or 5 comments and when I started reading the comments, I just couldn’t believe the nasty things people were saying about me.
Of course, at that time there were only 4 or 5 toxic people and almost 1000 ones who loved it but I just couldn’t stop thinking about those nasty comments. Those people were bullying me without even knowing me. And it made me sad because I couldn’t understand why would they do such a thing. Why would they throw trash at me when I haven’t done anything to them and especially when the things I spoke about, were filled with so much love, kindness, and compassion.
I have to admit that if this would’ve had happened a few years ago, I would’ve probably been devastated and I would’ve probably felt very hurt but this time, even though I felt a bit sad, it didn’t hurt me. Their toxic words didn’t get to me.
I have done so much work on myself and I have cleansed myself so much and I now know that “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” ― Thích Nhất Hạnh
We give to others that which we have to offer to ourselves and if we throw trash at others, hating them and using all kind of words to describe them, it’s not because that’s who they are, but because that’s who we are. I’ve been in that place. I know how it feels like to be in their shoes. I too had a time when I was very unhappy with myself and my life and when I couldn’t stand to see other people succeeding and living a happy life when I wasn’t. I too had a time when, because there were so much anger and inner turmoil in me, I kept going around, projecting that anger and inner turmoil onto others.
When you have no love for yourself, you will have no love for others. When ugliness is all that you have in you, ugliness is what you will see in others.
The world is our mirror. It reflects back at us what’s inside of us.
“Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself.” ~ Neville Goddard, Your Faith is Your Fortune
Many of my friends and family members kept telling me not to read those comments so that I wouldn’t get hurt. To only focus on the more than ten thousand people who loved it and ignore those who were saying all kind of nasty things about me. But I didn’t feel hurt and I wanted to read their comments so that I can better understand where they were coming from and why they are so sad. Because you have to be very sad to say those things to another human being.
Carl Jung once said that, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” and because I have made peace with my own darkness and because I have learned to see it as a friend no longer as an enemy, I can now look at these people with love and compassion. I am able to make peace with their darkness because I have made peace with mine 🙂
You see, when you have love for yourself, no matter how much people will try to bully you and no matter how hard they will try to hurt you, you will no longer be affected by their behavior. On the contrary, you will be enriched and you will be polished.
“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper; They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” ~ Chris Colfer
The need to attack, to hurt and to bully others comes from a lack of self-love. You see, when you don’t know who you are, when you lack self-love and self-acceptance, when you have no sense of direction and you have no idea what to do with yourself and your life, you can’t help but feel bitter. You can’t help but feel resentful towards those who are walking peacefully on their path, living their lives in a beautiful, loving and harmonious way.
It’s only those who are unhappy with themselves and who haven’t yet found something to be passionate and excited about, that will seek to bully other people.
A loving person will never seek to hurt another human being. A happy person will not want to make another person unhappy. It’s only those who aren’t at peace with themselves who will do that.
“Don’t take anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Luiz
Learn to differentiate between who you truly are and who people perceive you as being. Understand that each and every one of us sees the world differently. Each and every one of us perceives the world as we perceive ourselves.
We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.
“Just as we tend to assume that the world is as we see it, we naively suppose that people are as we imagine them to be. In this latter case, unfortunately, there is no scientific test that would prove the discrepancy between perception and reality. Although the possibility of gross deception is infinitely greater here than in our perception of the physical world, we still go on naively projecting our own psychology into our fellow human beings. In this way, everyone creates for himself a series of more or less imaginary relationships based essentially on projection. ” ~ Carl Jung, General Aspects of Dream Psychology”
If more and more people would understand that the world is our mirror and if more and more people would understand that when we use nasty words to describe others, we don’t define “that” person but rather ourselves, we would taste our words before spitting them and we would be a lot more careful with the things we have to say.
Learn how to not take anything personally. If people use all kind of nasty and toxic words to describe you, instead of getting upset and instead of getting mad at them, choose to send them love. Send them love because they really need it.
Don’t respond to hate with hate because just like Martin Luther King, Jr. said it, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Forgive and let go. Let go of any thoughts of anger, hate, and resentment. Let go of any thoughts you have about how things shouldn’t happen the way they do and how people shouldn’t behave as they behave.
Surrender to what is. Don’t fight back. Don’t resist what is. Know that where there is anger and where there is hate, there is a lot of pain underneath and the reason why these people are saying all the hurtful and toxic things they are saying it’s only because they are suffering and their suffering is spilling over.
Do not make their pain your own. Do not let their toxicity contaminate your beautiful heart and loving soul. Do not let their madness become your own.
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” ~ Pleasefindthis
Always remember that what you put out there is what you will get back. So give only that which you want to be given. And most important, seek to live your own way, not their way!
Lessons Learn in Life: “I would rather be a little nobody, then to be an evil somebody.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
Why do you think people feel the need to harshly judge, criticize and bully one another? Do you agree that when another human being is trying to hurt you it’s only because they are hurting themselves? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂