“If you enter a relationship/marriage feeling incomplete and expecting to become complete simply by being in it, chances are that you will have many marriage regrets… ” ~ Luminita D. Saviuc
I once posted the following question on the PurposeFairy Facebook Page:
“If you could write a note to your Younger Self, what would you say in only 2 words?”
And as I was reading the many comments, I kept seeing the same answer given by so many people:
To be honest, I was surprised. I didn’t know that there were so many people with marriage regrets. But why is that? Why is it that so many people seem to have marriage regrets?
Is there something wrong with marriage?
Isn’t getting married supposed to make you happy?
The way I see it, there’s nothing wrong with marriage. Marriage is not the problem. The problem comes from the expectations people have when it comes to marriage.
Marriage Regrets: The Hard Truth about Relationships
I recently came across a really beautiful quote that explains exactly what I mean:
“Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc … The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage.” ~ Unknown
If you enter a relationship expecting the other person to give you everything that is missing from your life: love, happiness, friendship, etc., eventually you will be very disappointed by how ‘poorly’ the other person is performing. And chances are that you will blame them for your how unhappy you feel…
“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” ~ Abraham
You see, it’s not the other person’s job to make you feel all the things that you yourself can’t feel on your own. It’s not the other person’s job to make you feel loved, happy and whole when you yourself feel unworthy, unhappy and incomplete. That’s not their job, that’s your job.
Relationships aren’t about making an unhappy person, happy. Nor are they about making an unloved person feel loved. Relationships are about sharing the love and happiness that is already present within you with the one you love so that you can grow, improve and evolve together, emotionally and spiritually.
There is no love in relationships, love is in people. It’s the people who put love in relationships. It’s the people who put love, happiness, romance, and passion in marriage.
When you enter a relationship feeling incomplete and expecting the other person to complete you, you can’t help but end up with regrets. Expecting to get a lot of goodies without giving anything in return, you will start blaming the other person for how unhappy and how unloved you feel. And in the end, you will most definitely end up having many life and marriage regrets.
The quality of the relationships we build with those around us, whether they are relationships we have with our parents, romantic partners, friends, co-workers, etc., will be determined by the quality of the relationships we have with our own selves.
If you have love for yourself, you will have plenty of love for those around you. And you will only attract in your life people who have as much love for themselves as you do. Through your interactions, not only will you get to share your love with one another, but you will also multiply that love, creating more and more of it.
So you see, marriage is not really the problem.
If you and your partner have plenty of self-love, you will work on improving yourselves and your relationship. By communicating freely about everything, chances are that you will create a beautiful and long-lasting relationship/marriage. Because you see, marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put things in before you can take anything out.
There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage.
In order to make their relationship work, a couple must learn the art of loving, serving, forgiving, and praising one another. In doing so, they keep the box full and their love flourishes. But if they take out more than they put in, the box will be empty and they will have many marriage regrets…
** What about you? What’s your take on marriage regrets? What does marriage mean to you? Do you think married people are happier or unhappier? I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below 🙂