How-to-Deal-with-Self-Doubt-in-a-Kind-and-Loving-Way

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” ~ William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Ever since I started writing my book all kind of horrible thoughts began to run through my mind, thoughts like:

“Who do you think you are to write a book? You know nothing about writing.

You’re going to mess it up, BIG TIME!

You should just stop with the nonsense and just give up. Don’t make a fool of yourself.

Plus, your writing sucks!”

With a mind like this, who needs enemies, right?

When you have this kind of thoughts running through your head every single day, you start to think that maybe its true and that maybe you really don’t know what you’re doing.

It’s funny. As I was writing the part about my mind telling me that my writing sucks, I started laughing out loud because all of a sudden I realized how absurd it is to think this way and how none of it makes any sense.

I know my writing doesn’t suck but for some reasons my mind wants me to think it does. And a lot of times I fall into the trap of believing all the negative, toxic and painful thoughts that run through my mind. And as a result, I get stuck and instead of writing, instead of creating something that will benefit the world, I waste my time feeling sorry for myself.

It is said that on a daily basis we have 60,000 thoughts that run through our minds and that most of these thoughts are negative and repetitive. In conclusion, we damage the relationship we have with ourselves and those around us and we make our lives very unhappy simply because we have little or no control whatsoever over the thoughts we think.

In his book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle talks about this so beautifully: “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you. All the things that truly matter — beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace — arise from beyond the mind…”

“To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don’t use it at all.”

It’s true. We have no idea how to tame this crazy mind of ours let alone how to use it in a way that will serve us well.

We create our lives with our thoughts and if the thoughts we think are toxic, negative and self-defeating, so would our self-image be. This is why so many of us doubt ourselves like crazy, thinking that we are less capable than we actually are. And this is why so many of us sell ourselves short, settling for way less than we are worth.

I don’t know how it is for you but for me, whenever I fall into the trap of thinking all kind self-defeating thoughts, I panic and I feel as the end of the world is coming.

Well, the end of the world is not really coming but if you spend too much time up there, identifying with your toxic thoughts and believing every polluted though you think, then it starts to feel as though the world is ending… Your world is ending.

Don’t believe everything you think. Learn to detach from your own mind. Make peace with yourself.

Whenever you feel that your mind starts to harass you, trying to bully you into thinking that you’re not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough and so on, take a few deep breaths, pause from whatever it is that you are doing and with your hands on your heart, have a little chat with yourself:

“Who’s saying all of these things?

Is it my mind or is it my heart?

Mind, is that you? Are you trying to play tricks on me again?

Why would you bully me? I’m your friend, remember?

You and I need to work together, not against each other.

Let’s make peace not war.

Tell me what’s wrong and what are you afraid of and together will make things better.”

And allow yourself to be in that space for as long as you need to. Wait for the answers to come because they will come.

Be “weird” enough to talk to yourself, your mind and your heart.

Don’t be afraid to get in touch with every part of you, especially with those parts that are in need of healing.

If the mind is trying to convince you that you’re not worthy of being, doing and having whatever it is that you want to be, do and have, it’s probably because of something that happened in the past. Maybe you once tried something new and you failed, got hurt of maybe you were laughed at. And now, because the mind wants to be safe and protected, it’s using all that noise as a protection mechanism. There probably is a fear of something underneath it all.

Learn to look beyond the surface, to see what can’t be seen and to understand why your mind is making all that noise. Take the time to listen to what the mind has to say and use your heart to feel what the heart wants you to feel.

Have your mind work with your heart and teach them both to serve you in a way that helps you grow and evolve. Have them work together, helping you to rebuild your trust and your faith in yourself.

If your mind is trying to harass you, instead of getting mad, judging and complaining and instead of adding, even more, resistance and even more pain to the already existing one, choose to smile and look at everything with eyes of love. Use a calm, soft and gentle voice to address yourself. Talk to yourself in the same way you would talk to a scared little child. Because in those moments, that’s exactly what you become – a scared little child.

Bring light into your dark mind. Show every part of you that there is nothing to fear of and nothing to worry about. Sit with your own thoughts and learn to really listen to what your mind is trying to tell you. Look beyond the surface and do your best to identify the messages that your mind is trying to communicate to you. And once you find the hidden wound, do your best to heal it. Heal it with your love and acceptance.

Accept, embrace and love every part of you, especially those parts of you that rebel and cause you to feel unease, pain, and discomfort. Those are the parts that need love the most.

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” ~ Swedish Proverb

Why do you think so many people doubt themselves? Why do you think it’s so hard for us to change our thoughts so that we can change the image we have about ourselves and transform our lives in a positive and healthy way?  I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation below 🙂

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita, the Founder of PurposeFairy, is an enthusiastic student of the arts, psychology, and spirituality. Her acclaimed blog post, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy , was shared by over 1.3 million people on Facebook. Later on, it became the heart of her book, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy., book that was published by Penguin Random House. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

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