How to No Longer Allow Your Expectations Get in the Way of Your Happiness“What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of what it’s supposed to be.” ~  Unknown

Isn’t it interesting that even though life has its own rhythm and its own natural course to follow, we still insist on trying to control how everything unfolds? We have so many expectations about how things should be, how people should behave, how events should unfold, and because we desperately try to control everything and everyone, wanting to make things go our way, we simply can’t be happy.

Life is meant to be lived, not controlled. People are meant to be loved, not controlled. And the more we learn to let go of this insane need to control the whole universe by allowing things to be as they are, the more happiness we will allow into our lives and the more relaxed we will be.

Here is how to no longer allow your expectations get in the way of your happiness:

1. Expect more from yourself and less from others.

“All you need is deep within you waiting to unfold and reveal itself. All you have to do is be still and take time to seek for what is within, and you will surely find it.” ~ Eileen Caddy

Instead of making your friends, family, co-workers and everyone around you responsible for your happiness and well-being, and instead of giving them power over your own life, choose to provide for yourself all the things you expect them to provide for you. Don’t go around acting as if you’re helpless, because you’re not! You are powerful beyond measure and you can do so much more for yourself than the whole world can do for you. So be the friend you want them to be. Love yourself as much as you want them to love you. Help yourself as much as you would like them to help you. And value yourself, who you are and what you do as much as you want the world to value you. Expect more from yourself and less from others, because by doing so, not only will you feel a lot more confident, happy, relaxed and peace, but your relationships with those around you will also improve.

“Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.” ~ Abraham

2. Allow life to unfold naturally.

“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us. ” ~ A.W. Tozer

Know that there is a natural flow that life is meant to follow, and the more you learn to relax, to trust and to let go of your need to micromanage your entire life, the easier it becomes for things to flow. Get out of your own way and allow life to unfold naturally. Learn to be soft like water. Let go of fixed plans and concepts and allow events to follow their natural course. Don’t fight life, don’t resist it. Surrender to what is and trust that by doing so, life will take great care of you. Because it will.

3. Surender to what is.

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Instead of fighting, resisting and arguing against what is, see if you can just surrender to whatever experience life sends your way. See if you can make peace with everything and everyone. Act as everything that’s happening to you, it’s happening for your own growth and benefit, and see how much better that will make you feel. 

4. Look for the deeper meaning of things.

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

If I have learned something from life is that every experience and every interaction life sends our way is meant to help us heal, is meant to help us grow, and is meant to help us discover more about who we truly are. They are all meant to help us discover what the purpose of our lives and the reason of our existence is. And even though on the surface, a lot of these experiences and interactions might seem painful and quite negative, if we look deeper, beyond the surface, we will discover that they are all meant to help us progress and that they are all meant to help us move forward in life. “So don’t be frightened, dear friend, if a sadness confronts you larger than any you have ever known, casting its shadow over all you do. You must think that something is happening within you, and remember that life has not forgotten you; it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why would you want to exclude from your life any uneasiness, any pain, any depression, since you don’t know what work they are accomplishing within you?” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

5. Don’t get lost in the details. Focus on the big picture.

“If you just focus on the smallest details, you never get the big picture right.” ~ Leroy Hood

Instead of getting obsessed with your many goals, fixed plans and ideas about how your whole life should unfold and how everyone should behave towards you, take a few steps back and focus on the big picture. Focus on the vision you have for yourself, your relationships and your life, not on your short term plans and goals because this will help you fear less and trust more. 

6. Life’s plans are better than your plans.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” ~ Michelangelo

Life knows a lot more than we do, about who we are, about what we are capable of achieving, and about the many dreams that are still dormant in our hearts. And the more we learn to trust in the wisdom of life, by letting go of all our expectations, of our fixed plans, the easier it becomes for us to open ourselves to the many gifts and riches that life has in store for us.

Place no limits on your dreams. On what you can achieve and on what is possible for you. Put your trust in life and you will soon realize that life’s plans are way better than your plans 🙂

7. Let go of FEAR.

“While we are focusing on fear, worry or hate, it is not possible for us to be experiencing happiness, enthusiasm or love.” ~ Bo Bennett

We try to control our reality because we fear what might happen to us if things don’t go our own way. But there is nothing to fear. For fear is just an illusion and love is the only things that’s real. Let go of fear and put your trust in life. Trust yourself, trust your inner wisdom and that life will take good care of you, meeting all your needs, and helping you achieve the desires of your heart. Let go of any control issues you might have and trust that things will always work our for the best.

8. Relax into life.

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” ~ Alan Watts

The more relaxed you are, the easier it becomes for you to listen to the wisdom and guidance of your heart and Soul, which by the way, are your most trusted and fateful counselors. So take the time to relax. To renew, refresh, restore and rejuvenate all that you are. To spend time alone with yourself so that you can hear what your heart wants you to hear, and know what your Soul needs you to know.

9. LOVE.

“For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

The more love you have in your heart for yourself, for your life, for your work and for the world around you, the easier it is to embrace with grace all that you face. The easier it becomes to let go of fixed plans, conceptions and rigid expectations. So learn to love more and more each day. Tear down all the walls and barriers you have built between you and the world around you, and allow love to flow in and out of your life. Love with all your heart, for life is love and love is life. And if you close your heart to love, you close your heart to life.

With all my love,

 

 

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita, the Founder of PurposeFairy, is an enthusiastic student of the arts, psychology, and spirituality. Her acclaimed blog post, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy , was shared by over 1.3 million people on Facebook. Later on, it became the heart of her book, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy., book that was published by Penguin Random House. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

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