3 Things You Should Do To Overcome Sadness

3 Things You Should Do To Overcome Sadness“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~ Khalil Gibran

I was talking to a dear friend of mine recently and he was asking me who is the person I admire the most and why. The interesting thing I realized while giving him the answer was that the person I deeply admire is somebody who experienced a great deal of pain during his lifetime and what made me admire him so much was his attitude and how he always come out as a better not a bitter person from all of these challenges.

How many of us are really capable of dealing gracefully with pain, stress, anxiety, and many other negative emotions? What I want you to achieve is grace under pressure and even though it may seem like an impossible task to do, it really isn’t. There are so many other tips to share on the subject but today I will share these three things, and if you do them, believe me, your life will get better and better and you will manage to deal with life’s challenges a lot more effective and in a more graceful manner.

Just know that “the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.”~ Helen Keller

Whether it’s you who is sad and blue or somebody you love and care about, acknowledging and acting upon these 3 things will help you feel a lot better.

1. Let go of the pain, this too shall pass

Things, people, events, they just come and go, nothing really lasts forever and the same with your not so happy feelings. What I usually do when I feel like my world is coming to an end, and yes, that happens to me too, it to think of a time when I was down, a time when I felt really sad and blue, a time when I felt like the whole world would come to an end, and I had no way to escape, and I use that as proof that what my mind is telling me is not always true.

It is so important to work on making your mind work for you and not against you, because you see, in order for you: “to enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.” ~ Buddha

2. Let go of the resistance – what you are against you strengthen and what you resist persists

Even though it may seem that you talking about the things that are going wrong in your life will help solve the problem and make you feel better, the truth is that it will not, and just like Carl Jung said it, and I have experienced this myself so many times, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

Do you understand why that is? Every time you insist on the pain, and every time you insist on talking about how much you are suffering, to yourself and to those people who are there to listen, you are in fact contributing to the growth of that pain, you are feeding it and you are building more and more pain on top of what already is!

Just imagine that I gave you a clean sheet of paper and I asked you to draw a very small dot on that paper, right in the center. Looking from the distance, does the dot seem significant to you? I wouldn’t think so. But what if I asked you to take a magnifying glass and move closer and closer to that dot? You will for sure feel like the dot is all there is, it will seem huge, right? The same with your pain. It’s not that big of a deal, even though right now, in this moment you might think otherwise, it really isn’t. This too shall pass.

Do you want to focus on the things that upset you and work on increasing the pain, or do you want to focus on those things that make you feel good about yourself and your life? It’s just a matter of choosing where to focus your attention, shifting your focus away from what you don’t want towards the things you do want,  from unhappy to happy. It is a choice, and it’s always your choice. So chose to always focus on what you want, not what you don’t want and move in that direction.

3. Change your attitude

If you ask me, a lot of our pain is caused because of our attitude, because of our perception on the good and the bad, because of our expectations on how things should be. When you expect something to happen and it doesn’t, how do you feel? You feel sad, depressed, you feel disappointed and you might even start telling yourself that you are a failure, that things will never go the way you want them to, that your end is near, and of course, you can add some other things to the list if you want, but that’s not really what we are after here, right? But then again, if you choose to argue over your pain, it will surely be yours.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

The moment you stop and look at things from a different perspective, the moment you chose to change your attitude toward life, life will start to change it’s attitude towards you, and from that moment things will never be the same again, because you see, just like Wayne Dyer said it, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Everything changes the moment we decide to change and the whole world will start to revolve around us because you see, we do matter for the world, we matter a lot.

With all my love,

 

 

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita, the Founder of PurposeFairy, is an enthusiastic student of the arts, psychology, and spirituality. Her acclaimed blog post, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy , was shared by over 1.3 million people on Facebook. Later on, it became the heart of her book, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy., book that will be published by Penguin Random House in March 2016. For more details check out the about page.

22 Comments
  1. I was curious too, about Point #2, like comment #15 (Melissa2) – I am going through a life changing event and the pain, the first little while, was seemingly unbearable. It has been a constant struggle, some days, to move forward or even get out of bed – it’s now been three months and while it still bothers me and I have “bad” days, I am getting better little by little. But everyone I see or talk to, therapists included, tell me to feel whatever it is that I feel – and to let it out…. to talk about it, to cry, to vent… they have told me that by doing so, I am healing. But, like this article says, I think sometimes it can be more detrimental too, and do more harm than good. Just wanted to know your thoughts.

    Aside from this question, this article is amazing and I love it. Now… to learn to put it to use. I have always been a “negative” person – I am happy go-lucky until something goes wrong and then I’m all about the negative. So, now I need an article on how to focus on the positive and turn off my brain when it goes to the pain. :)

    1. Hi Shawmarie:

      Just wanted to encourage you to hang in there. I know how tough it is to have emotional pain and try to get thru each day. I put my FB link in here. If you would like to send me a friend’s request, I will gladly add you and stand with you as you go thru the difficult days.

  2. All my life I practiced the “this too shall pass”-sentence. In spite of everything that happened through the years (and there were a lot of “disasters”), I’ve always been a strong woman, helping others who were in mental or emotional need. I didn’t really listen to my own feelings; I didn’t give my hurt a voice… Until a completely broke down! There was NOTHING left of the woman I once was. All I wanted, was to sleep and never wake up again. Meanwhile I know that giving not enough attention to what you’re feeling, is very unhealthy.
    It seems to me that it’s important to make a difference between people who -wherever and whenever- “share” their so called negative emotions with others (and are not so willing to take responsability for what they’re experiening) and others who will always “do their best” to overcome what ever life brings on their plate.
    To me, it is obvious that those 2 different categories of people “attract” one another. Because the talker needs a listener and the listener -who wants to help others- needs people to take care of. According to me, it’s all about finding a balance, about not going into an extreme edge (= one side of the medaille).
    As far as I’m concerned, NOT searching for a listening ear, not talking to others about all the pain in my heart, was the biggest mistake (lesson!) of my life. I had to lose my mental and emotional health before I came to that understanding…

  3. I think the point here is to acknowledge your feelings, realize you have the right to feel them, and them let them go. I have dealt with the loss of both my parents and each time I was overwhelmed with pain, loss, guilt. I tried to keep moving but it kept holding me back, kept keeping me from feeling the joy in my life. Holidays were difficult and I didn’t enjoy my son or my family as mich as I once did. Because every joy I felt, turned into jealousy over my cousins kids having grandparents, and my kids never having that in thier lives. Somethings I try to remember; God doesnt give me more than I can handle, and I am crying for myself, not my parents. I went to greif counseling and in dealing with the pain, not holding on to it, I learned to appreciate that while I lost my parents, I had gotten the opportunity to have parents- many do not. While my children do not have Grandparents, they have great-aunts and uncles who shower them with the love my parents are not there to give. So my pain didnt disappear, and I still miss my parents, but losing them physically, allowed me to open my heart to so many other people around me. My friends parents, my family, it showed me that to put all my energy into that pain was robbing me of the energy to enjoy everyone else in my life. I think that is what the author is getting at. Pain is a natural part of life, talking to someone and acknowledging it, is good. Continuing to live in an atmosphere of only pain, only resentment, only negative feelings, takes away from living in happiness, gratitude, and really valuing who we are. If you choose to only connect with that pain, day after day, you are choosing to live without joy, and no one can ever help you feel better, if your choice is to be in pain.

  4. There is talking constantly about your pain to everyone which I agree does not help..it only keeps you in your story. However I agree with Darvan..there is nothing wrong and even good with talking about your story in the right time and place. I lost my son in 2005 and I did not talk about it at first and the pain was like a silent scream that was consuming me. Then I found Compassionate Friends a group for parents that have lost a child and after being able to express my sadness and pain I was able to start to heal. If there is something that is hurting in you.. you must release it find a therapist or a group you feel comfortable with and work through it. Let the sadness and pain know that you are greater than it and you will survive it. Blessings to All

  5. this post about sadness helped me somewhat as I am grieving the loss of my brother right now, and I feel that I haven’t dealt with the pain, so when alone, I find myself crying alot, my mother also has alziemers, and it is extremely sad to see her this way. I feel like i need to talk about my sadness with someone but i don’t want to dwell on it either. any suggestions?

    1. Sorry, sounds like you are going you are a tough time, my Mom got Alziemers also while I was grieving my son, . I know here on Long Isalnd there groups perhaps check with your Church and sometimes Local Hospitals have groups both for grieving and for dealing with Alziemers.,I will keep you in my prayers.

  6. I think part of the problem is that we feel that we ‘shouldn’t’ be feeling bad, especially if we are on the self-development or spiritual pathway where there’s so much advice about how to feel good, better etc. I think it’s important to acknowledge if we are struggling sometimes, and it can help, but again as with many things in life, it’s important to get the right balance and not over do it.

  7. I think the author is wrong to suggest that talking about your suffering makes you suffer more. To talk about your suffering to someone who can listen is to lessen your suffering. And it helps in letting go.

    1. Darvan, there is nothing wrong in talking about your suffering, but to talk about it over and over again will do nobody any good, for we will get lost n our own suffering and it will become quite hard to no longer identify ourselves with it :)

  8. I think this article is dead on. I’m currently deployed to Afghanistan and more than anything I want to be home with my son. I became so consumed by not being near him my negative attitude drove everyone away and the feeling of disparity became larger and larger. Recently I realized that I don’t want to look back on my time here and know I didn’t do all that I could for the war because I was consumed by my grief of being away from home. I’m always going to miss my son but just like this article said, this deployment won’t last forever, it’s only a singular event in my long life. Thank you for this.

    1. Sarah, there is nothing wrong in missing the people we love but we have to be careful that we don’t push others away from us while missing those who are far :)

      Best wishes!

  9. I have to say I think whomever wrote this has an arrogant sense of self. Life is wonderful and most people have a lot to be thankful for, but some have devastating losses and deep suffering. This is a shallow perspective on humanity. Emotions are part of life and to not speak of them or honor them is unhealthy, both the good and bad. I completely understand living in the moment and being grateful and moving forward, I do each day, and the pain remains.

    1. Tina, nobody said that you should not talk about your feelings. It’s not about ignoring the pain but rather to acknowledge that is there while at the same time to focus your attention in the direction you want to go. When Maslow was treating his patients, he would allow them to talk about their problems for a very short period of time and then he will shift the conversation, from what was wrong to what they wanted to achieve. Why was that? Because people love to identify with their pain, their love to talk about it more than they should, and by doing so they become a victim. Just like you said it, emotions are part of life and we should not suppress them but spending too much time talking about it and focusing on it will do us no good. But then again, we all choose how to live our lives, right? :)

  10. Hello Dana – wise words, and a great deal to agree with. Thank you. (Incidentally I really liked the 15 things blogs you posted recently, too.)

    I want to say, though, having trained in transpersonal psychology and being very familiar with Jung’s teachings, that although I agree with the idea that what one resists persists (it also chimes with Buddhist thinking), that is not the same thing as not talking about it. I know from my work with others as a mentor and group facilitator that on occasion it is exactly talking about it that enables one to release it; sometimes a person just needs to be heard. That after all is part of the function of a psychotherapist.

    It’s certainly not helpful, of course, to dwell on it and go over and over the same ground, which is what I think you meant; and to hold on to negative thoughts holds us back from growth, from love, from being all we might be… But I wondered if maybe that little bit of phrasing might be somewhat misleading?

    I don’t mean to judge an excellent post, though, just to clarify.

  11. Wow,spot on .Going through a difficult patch,had a restless night and felt extremely blue.All day feeling low,moping around and in a resentful mood.Read this article and realised how fortunate I really am.Clear blue skies and ging for a walk.WOW THANKS a

  12. I’m curious about point 2. If you have something that is very painful, shouldn’t you allow yourself to feel the pain, grieve whatever you need to? Otherwise don’t you just lock the pain away, which may come back as unfinished business?

    Or do you just mean don’t over-examine your pain? Over and over, forever?

    Just trying to clarify. This comes at a very perfect time in my life to read/hear this. Thank you!

  13. I soooooo needed this on this very day- I always try to live this way -but today I have some sadness over something I cannot change -but I can certainly change the way I react to it and deal with it -thank you !

  14. Wow, this is what I call telepathy. 😀 I woke up this morning with a lot of fears about the future because I tend to not seeing things and possibilities and abilities that I have to make myself happy and satisfied. Your post helped, thank you for that!

  15. Great article and so true. Life really does have a way of changing when you choose to focus on the good rather than the bad.