The Secret To Healthy And Loving Relationships

The Secret To Healthy And Loving Relationships“Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

You know how people usually think that they need something or somebody in order to be happy? It happens to me, it happens to you, it happens to most of us.

And you know how we usually think that in order to feel loved, we have to find our other half? Yes you see, we’re kinda handicapped if you think about it. How would you call a person who see herself as being incomplete, a person who thinks that she is missing some parts and only when she finds her half, she will be fixed?

We were raised this way. Ever since we were little, we heard these stories about this beautiful princess and this hansom prince, and none of them were really happy, until the day they found each other, and when they did, they lived happily ever after. Yes, what a great story… Not gonna happen in real world, though!

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against love, I am all for love, I am all for true love, but I think it’s not so right that people go out there, in the world, looking for love, when they can’t really love themselves. They go from one relationship to another with such high expectation, placing so much pressure on the other person, waiting for the other person to complete them…

The moment you perceive yourself as being incomplete, no matter how perfect the other person might be, and no matter how hard they will try to complete you, believe me, it will not happen. You might be happy for a while, but eventually you will go back to your state of being, you will go back to seeing yourself as a half, and of course, you will place so many expectations on your partner, and whenever those expectations will not be met, you will stop and wonder whether he/she is the right person for you, because you see, if you aren’t happy, that means there is something wrong with them.

Yes, with them, not with you, you are perfect and there is nothing that you should improve and work on, it is them, it is always them. You poor thing. An now, you either leave them, or they leave you, because they can’t handle all that pressure, all that tension and stress, and you will go out there, looking for the right half. Or who knows, maybe you will conform, and you will both live like that for the rest of your lives. You will not be the first not the last couple who does that.

I would say that this is wrong. If you want to be happy, with or without your other “half”, you would have to get your act together, you would have to work on accepting yourself completely, on treasuring and loving yourself, and if you don’t, you will never feel complete, and you will wonder around, thinking that you end up in the wrong relationship, and that your partner is a mistake, a big mistake. In conclusion, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.

The moment you accept yourself for who you are, and yes, it is possible, that will be the moment you will see the world with different eyes, that will be the moment you will see love with different eyes. The moment you understand that the person you are in a relationship with is not there to complete you, because you will know that there is nothing lacking, that will be the moment you will now know that you are are already whole, complete, and that happiness depends on you, not on other people. You can be happy with or without your partner, and you will treasure the moments of solitude and those of companionship just as much.

The moment you will enter a relationship, you will not enter seeking for something, but rather to give all that you got, because you will realize that there is so much that you have to offer, and you will not want to keep it just for yourself. This is what real love is all about, pure, unconditional and infinite love. You will now realize that: “Love, true love, is that which can give the most without asking or demanding anything in return.” ~ Mazie Hammond

The moment you accept yourself, the moment you discover who you really are, that will be the moment you will realize that the healthy way to enter and to be in a relationship, is to give and not to get, and of course, the more you will offer, the more you will get. Ironic, isn’t it? When you stop seeking, you start receiving, all that you need and even more.

With all my love,

 

 

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Luminita D. Saviuc

Luminita, the Founder of PurposeFairy, is an enthusiastic student of the arts, psychology, and spirituality. Her acclaimed blog post, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy , was shared by over 1.3 million people on Facebook. Later on, it became the heart of her book, 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy., book that was published by Penguin Random House. For more details check out the 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy Book Page.

6 Comments
  1. The way to true love and happiness is to ‘correct’ the indoctrinated thinking inside your head that keeps telling you that you are incomplete and not good enough. When you get that, and find support to help you change your thinking, then everything changes.

    1. John Thanks so much for sharing your thohtugs! You bring up an important (and beautiful) point in stating that there is no me separate from everything else . Personally, I do agree with you but I also agree with Csikszentmihalyi. I think either perspective can be true, depending on one’s approach and point-of-view. Both perspectives have been (and continue to be) true for me at different points in my life.

  2. My husband totally unhappily consumed each other for 10yrs. We loved each other…but the addiction of needing,who was right or wrong,blaming….on….and..on. we seperated for over a year,divorce was the next step. With in that year alone i saw and acccepted myself and accepted him.we see each other as individuals but chose to be with one another.we say thank you more then i love you. Love has always been there.thank you

  3. I’m on my way to look for realy me and triyng to accept who I am. It is already over 11 years, I am almost 40 and still this moment you write about is not coming. Easy to write that words but in fact it can take dozens of years to come to that point. And your youth has past, you can not have children anymore cause you are looking for this moment of acceptance. This is like horrible for me I must admit. Therapies, workshops, books, lectures…what else can I do?

    1. I just found this site through one of my good good friends and have to say i can not read enough thank you purposefairy! This is a real eye opener for those struggling with similar issues such as this article i am one of them.